Would you have let me?
by Leaa960
Summary: What if I started taking Dilaudid again, would you have let me? You didn't - 7x02 What if Reid started taking Dilaudid again...
1. Chapter 1

_You know what I think it is?  
What?  
You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to manage our deception.  
You think this is about my profiling skills – Jennifer listen, the only reason you were manage to able my perception is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend and not once you had the decency to tell me the truth.  
I couldn't…  
You couldn't or you wouldn't?  
No, I couldn't.  
What if I started taking Dilaudid again, would you have let me?  
You didn't..  
_  
You're sure about this?  
Spence…  
It's too late, alright.

Spencer Reid left the police station and Jennifer Jareau just stared blank in the eyes of her coworkers. Their eyes were filled with shock and concern, even if they were profilers in this moment not one of them was able to completely vanish their current emotions from their faces.  
Shock and concern,  
Especially concern was an emotion that was directly linked to the man that had just left the office…  
Spencer Reid was kind of trouble magnet and this ability led him to Tobias Hankel, who turned out as an unsub in one of their cases, he tortured Reid and drugged him with Dilaudid.

JJ was shocked to hear Reid talk about Dilaudid in the first place, sure she had an idea of addicts and that the desire for their former drug would never really stop, but still she just did not considered the possibility that Spencer would think about the drug after 7 years.  
But in the moment he asked her if she would let him taking Dilaudid again, she realized how dumb she was not to think about this possibility, it was a childish imagination that Spencer would be different from any other former addict – JJ swallowed at this thought ,_"any former addict" , _  
Spencer Reid was quite more than _any _other person.  
He was a genius and even if he experienced things in his life other people would probably call a bad horror movie or an awful nightmare, Reid still seemed so pure and innocent, maybe just because he still wanted to help people after his life being mostly a mess.  
Morgan interrupted her thoughts.  
- JJ?  
She realized her colleagues were staring at her and that Morgan just asked her a question.  
"Sorry, what did you say?"  
"I asked you if you know what Reid intended to say?" ,all of them knew the answer were obvious and still it did not seem real until JJ closed her eyes for a second and wished she was wrong and this was just a dream – a stupid nightmare.  
"I think Reid might be using again…"

Nobody said a word for what seemed like an eternity, it felt like they were in a bubble and the world around them did not exist, but Hotch knew they needed to continue their work in this case it would be selfish to forget about the victims and their families – they all knew it would.  
"Okay we need our heads in this case, we will care about Reid and… "- Hotch was not able to finish this sentence and he was thankful that Rossi helped him out of this.  
"Hotch is right our priority is to catch this unsub and we should not waste any time."  
They all knew this was the right thing to do, but all of them including Rossi and Hotch wanted to search Reid in this moment – people are selfish when it comes to other people they care about and even if they saved people on a daily basis in a situation like this it was pretty difficult to ignore the part of their mind that was selfish and wanted to let this case down and help their friend.

They all started to continue their work.

* * *

They were able to catch the unsub and they informed Reid that they would fly right back to Quantico.

Morgan sighed relieved as he saw Reid standing in the airport waiting for them, Morgan caught himself to look for any difference in Reid's appearance, but he looked like he always did, but on the other hand they should have known that a profiler would be able to seem "like he always did" even if he was a wreck on the inside.  
They made their way into their jet quietly, no one dared to talk, but Hotch knew they needed to talk about this.

"Reid we should talk about this afternoon."  
Spencer knew that he could not avoid this situation after his outburst and he understood that Hotch, as their team leader felt responsible to start the conversation about this topic, but he felt still so angry and betrayed by him, that he was not rational in this moment.  
He felt most betrayed by JJ, because she was the one he trusted with his grief but still this was Hotch's fault as well.  
He slowly lifted his head from the book page he had stared at for ten minutes what was an eternity for his standard of reading.  
"What do you want to talk about?" he knew the answer to this question, he was not stupid, but it was the only sentence that crossed his mind so he just said it out loud.  
"I think you all know we care about you and that we will be always there for you, but you need to tell us the truth we can deal with it together and I'm sure as a team and a family we will manage…it - "  
Hotch wanted to continue, but Reid interrupted him.  
"I am using again, but after you did not calculate that your brainiac would have issues with his friend's fake death and the betrayal of people I considerated as family, I think I will deal with it myself, I'm already working on it and I will visit the meetings of the Beltway Clean Cops as soon as we are in Quantico, so I promise you Agent Hotchner this is none of your business."

**The end**

this just came to my mind and I felt the need to write this down,  
I hope you enjoyed this one shot (: 


	2. Chapter 2

_Agent Hotchner this is none of your business_

"Reid-" Hotch tried to sound angry, but he was too surprised about Reid's behavior.  
He could not remember the last time Reid called him Agent Hotchner, it was probably the first time he met Spencer Reid. Jason Gideon told Hotch about Spencer before , that he was a genius and that Gideon assumed he would be an excellent addition to the team, but it was different to see the boy himself.  
He was very skinny and pale, nobody who saw him would assume how special he really was.  
Hotch was an experienced profiler so he knew that most people would never recognize that the people in their surroundings like at a train or in a mall - all had a story on their own and that every person was unique.  
He knew that every single person experienced something that changed them and that their appearance did not say a thing about them at all. He had seen people who seemed to be ignorant a**holes, but if you take the time to learn more about them they might have a reason for their behavior, but nobody would ever take the time to get to know these things about them.  
Aaron Hotchner learnt pretty fast how it worked - people see a person and automatically judge them even if they do not want to.  
He was not different, the moment he saw Spencer Reid he thought that this kid would never be strong enough to stand this job, but hell everybody who _really_ knew Spencer Reid would know what a strong person he was – Reid stopped him from continuing his thoughts…

"Hotch, I really mean it, I know you need to tell Strauss about this, but I promise you…"  
Reid stopped talking immediately as he realized that he did not even know, if he would want to stay on this team.  
This thought shocked him more than anything, this people were his family and he did not want to lose them, but he was scared that they would betray him again he needed years to trust people after his father abandoned him and after the difficult time he had in high school – well "difficult" was quite an understatement, high school was torture for him.  
He met Gideon and he learnt to trust him … but then Gideon left him as well.  
He knew that Gideon left, because he couldn't stand this job anymore, but he could have called him at least…

And know his trust was betrayed again and he felt always when he wanted to get up from the ground another person pushed him down again.  
His father – Gideon- Hotch – JJ – Emily  
Emily, ... he felt betrayed by her as well, but seeing her and knowing she was alive was enough for him not to be really angry at her, he knew that was the reason why Morgan was not angry with her.  
But still she left him.

He lifted his head, knowing he did just let himself carry away by his thoughts and that he needed to finish what he just started.

"Hotch I just don't want you to tell Strauss, believe me when I tell you I'm very confused and to be honest I don't know where I belong right know, but until I know I don't want to lose the opportunity to stay on this team even if I don't know yet…"

"You don't know if you want to stay on this team..." JJ's voice sounded cold and silent but you could still hear the guilt in her voice.

"Man, you really want to leave us?" Morgan could not believe that his little brother really wanted to leave them he knew that Reid did not have any family apart from themselves except for his mother, but she was not able to be really there for him like they could.

Emily stared in disbelief and the scene in front of her.  
_This is your fault.  
_That was the only thing that crossed her mind in this moment.

Rossi's thoughts were still on Reid's former statement  
_your brainiac would have issues with his friend's fake death and the betrayal of people I considerated as family_…  
Did Reid really thought they just used him as a walking encyclopedia? ,but what concerned him more than that was that he spoke about them as his family in the past tense, the simple thought that Reid might have stopped thinking about them as family hit him hard.

**Thank you so much for your feedback (:**  
**some of you wanted me to continue this story so I tried , I'm afraid I'll really mess this up but ...here it is :D  
I would be very thankful if you could tell me if I should continue this or if it is a bad idea (:  
I have a few ideas where I could take this story, and I'm thinking about linking some of my personal experiences to this story, I already know this won't be a long story because I thing if I would write this too detailed it would be boring, actually I'm afraid this chapter was already a bit boring, but I want to focus on Reid in the following chapters and I want (maybe) Morgan to have a talk with him, but even if I continue writing I will wait until you tell me if you want me this to continue before I update (:**

Sorry for this long note, but I really need your opinion (:

I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter !


	3. Chapter 3

The atmosphere in the jet was tense, everybody was captured in his own thoughts.  
Reid did not knew what to do, he was sure that he needed to realize what he wanted to do with his life before he could promise his colleagues anything.

"Guys, I think I need time alone to realize some things…"

"We understand Reid, you have the weekend to decide what you want to do." Hotch's voice sounded clear and his gaze went to Reid and then to Rossi who nodded in his direction. It helped him to know that it was the right decision to give Reid time.

"Thank you." Reid was pretty uncomfortable in this moment, he wished so much he could just tell them that he would never leave them, so they could feel better and this would be the easier way for him as well, if he could just accept their behavior everything would be easier, they would be able to continue like nothing of this ever happened.  
There was no chance he would do it, this time - for once in his life he needed to concentrate on himself and what he wanted, even if it implied that he would hurt his coworkers… his family.  
He had to be selfish this one time, he was sure if he wouldn't, that he could not survive this.

The flight was quiet and when they arrived in Quantico Reid left the jet first and murmured a quiet  
_bye_ under his breath.  
Morgan and Emily looked at each other concerned, it would never be the same if Reid decided this weekend that he wanted to leave the team.  
Rossi and Hotch showed no emotion but it would be stupid to believe that the situation would not hit them hard, JJ was filled with guilt.  
Reid was using again and now he might wanted to leave them, she never stopped feeling guilty about what happened with Tobias Hankel, but the guilt lessened when Reid returned back to normal, but now everything came back and hit her so hard that she thought she would collapse.  
Hotch told them to give Reid the time he needed ,he told them that their paperwork could wait and that they just should go home, all of them needed time to realize what happened today.

* * *

Spencer Reid walked up the stairs to his little apartment, he searched in his bag for his keys but his gaze stopped on a vial on the bottom of his bag, the keys next to the vial seemed so unimportant, but he led his hand to them instead of the via,l which was quite more fascinating than his keys.  
He grabbed them but his hands were shaking so much that he felt like one of these machines at the funfair where some stupid people tried to grab some toys with a claw that would release the toy after a few seconds, the odds that you would really win a toy were incredibly small.  
Right now his hands felt like this claw and he was afraid that he would not be able to lift the keys out of his pockets, in this moment the keys felt back into his bag and he tried again.  
This time he concentrated as much as possible and he was able to grab them and so he opened the door to his apartment.  
His apartment was not so big, but it was exactly the place he needed except for his books, but he assumed he would never have "enough" place for books.  
He smiled at this thought, but the smile was so small no other person would have been able to detect it. He let his bag drop on the old couch he bought in a dilapidated furniture store down the street when he first moved to Virginia.  
Back then he was so happy about working at the BAU… he could not believe what had happened since then.

**Thank you all so much for your feedback (!), I'm so happy that someone is really interested in this story.  
Your feedback is the reason I really enjoy writing this (:  
I want to write in the next chapter a flashback to the day Reid started using again, I hope you enjoyed reading.  
As always I would really love to hear your opinion and if you have critique or if there is something you would like to read I will try to add it to the story (:**


	4. Chapter 4

Reid collapsed on his bed still dressed in his uncomfortable clothes, they were not really uncomfortable but they weren't comfortable either.  
Still he did not care about the clothes he stopped a while being comfortable in any situation, since he started using again he was not really able to be satisfied with anything at all…

* * *

FLASHBACK

It was a normal day at the BAU and exactly, that was the problem.

Reid sat at his desk, which was covered in paperwork, but he didn't mind.  
He knew that Morgan thought he was crazy, because he actually enjoyed the paperwork, Morgan hated it and so he usually tried to put some of his files on Reid's desk when he thought Reid wouldn't see it, Reid always saw it, he had an eidetic memory in the end and when he went to grab some coffee he could immediately recognize if anything on his desk had changed, but he never felt the need to tell Morgan about that.  
Morgan was unit chief while Hotch was still on temporary duty with an investigative task force in Pakistan, so he already had enough work to do.  
Rossi crossed Reid's desk on his way to his bureau and when Reid lifted his head from his paperwork Rossi gave him a small smile and Reid nodded in return.  
Garcia rushed into the office with Morgan on her side, both of them were chatting, they stopped by his desk.

"Pretty boy, how is work doing?" Morgan tried to sound boss-like but Garcia just burst out laughing before Morgan got a chance to suppress the smirk that crossed his face right after Garcia's laughing started to fill the room.

"Good morning to you, too Morgan", Reid replied shortly and cold.

"Well, I think someone has a bad day, but don't worry Garcia your fountain of happiness and contentedness is here to help you" Garcia was a special person, Reid did not know how, but she was able to fill an empty room with her joyful personality and he didn't want to destroy her happiness ,so he turned his face to her and got up from his chair.

"Thanks Garcia I think I just need a coffee and then I'm sure I will be in a better mood." ,to be honest Reid really needed the coffee, so he could stop feeling like a zombie, after Emily's … after Emily left he had a hard time to sleep well, so he wasn't able to function properly before hadn't various cups of coffee with plenty of sugar in it.  
Garcia pinched his cheek before she and Morgan went in the direction of Morgan's office.

* * *

After Reid returned with his coffee, he stared in the bullpen, there was just him…

JJ, Rossi and Morgan were in their offices and Garcia apparently decided to stay in Morgan's office as always and then there was him.

His gaze ended up on Emily's desk, the desk was unoccupied; of course it was unoccupied - Emily would not show up to change this situation.

And now he realized what disturbed him all day, …

_It was a normal day at the BAU_

Emily was dead.

Emily was dead and everything seemed to have returned to normalcy, the everyday life was back and everybody continued things like nothing happened.  
Reid felt stupid, he felt like a stupid child… everybody was able to move on instead of him and again Spencer Reid wasn't able to be normal, as always he was different - he still had nightmares of Emily's death and since a few weeks he also dreamed of seeing other members of his team dying.  
Why couldn't be ordinary? –  
Someone dies and the person who knew them grieves and then they move on, that's how it works.  
He couldn't move on, the only one he ever knew who died was his grandfather… he couldn't think about this not know if he would think about it, he was sure it would destroy him all over again…

He forced himself to take place on his desk and to finish his paperwork.  
In the evening he left after saying a short goodbye to Rossi and Morgan, Garcia and JJ had already left the office an hour ago.

* * *

He went home and showered before he made his way to bed.  
Was it _this_ what his life had become?

He turned around and faced his closet, like a robot he lifted himself up and opened the closet doors he kneed on his burgundy carpet and searched for a shoe box trapped under some old clothes.  
He lifted it up and took place on his bed again, he slowly opened the box – he felt like he was not in control of his body.

He just felt numb.

Nothing crossed his mind and this was a rare thing for him, he was used to think about thousands of things in a minute, but right now he thought about nothing, well to be precise it was not possible to think about nothing at all, but it felt like he was as close as possible to think about nothing.  
In the box there were things he never wanted to see again, he didn't know why he kept them at all.  
In the end he kept them and that was the reason why he found himself sitting on his bed the sleeve on his right arm rolled up over his elbow and the tourniquet tied right under his sleeve.  
The needle in his hand already filled with the dilaudid from the vial that laid now in the shoe box right next to him.  
He knew it was the wrong thing to do, he would hate himself for doing this and it wouldn't change the fact that Emily was dead and that he felt all alone in his life, but it would let him feel better for a moment and that was all he wanted – feeling better, even if this feeling wouldn't last.  
Just the thought of being able to suppress all his feelings was enough for him to insert the needle and press the plunger on the syringe.

_He was_ _free._

* * *

That was the day he started using again and since then his thoughts were only commited to the drug…for example about how he would hide it from his coworkers but mostly his emotions switched between being thankful about the drug and its ability to help him to stop caring for a moment - and the guilt and the anger he felt.

He was angry that Doyle had killed Emily, he was angry that Hotch had left, he was angry that Morgan and Garcia seemed to preclude him, he was angry that Rossi had moved on with everything like nothing happened, he was angry that JJ seemed sad but not as devastated as he was about Emily, he was angry and ashamed that he had cried at her house for weeks and that he sometimes still went there to break down in JJ's arms and he was angry at himself because he proved everybody right who had called him weak in his life.

He was weak.

He was worthless, he couldn't even resist a stupid drug.

Every time the anger consumed him he took another shot what just made him more angry.

_He was trapped_ in a doom loop, he couldn't escape.

**Second chapter today, as a reward for you - writing reviews and for following this story and of course for adding this story as favorite (:  
Thank you so much for that.  
This chapter is a flashback to the day when Reid started using Dilaudid again and I really hope you liked it.  
The next chapter will take place on the first day of the weekend (well saturday :D) and it will deal with Reid trying to resist the drug.**

I would really love to hear your opinions and your thoughts about this chapter  



	5. Chapter 5

He woke up on his bed the sunlight filled his room and he could hear the noises of a building site near his apartment.  
He just stared at ceiling of his bedroom, he always enjoyed the first minutes of a new day.  
In these minutes were he just laid on his bed and the day had just begun, the thought soothed him that this day always had the change to better than the last one. He needed this conviction otherwise I would have been impossible for him not to lose hope.  
Especially after he started using again, it was something he needed – something he could live for.  
He knew he could lose his job and he knew he could lose his family, because of the drug – if they had known earlier they would have told him that they would never leave him.  
He had already experienced their way of "never leave somebody" – when Elle left the team, nobody ever talked about her again, they did not tried to stay in contact with her or help her, even if she might have killed this man, she was still part of the family – at least that was what Reid thought when she left, he was sad but he thought that not being part of the team anymore didn't mean not being part of the family anymore but he was wrong.  
Elle left and immediately nobody seemed to care about her, the same happened with Seaver.

Reid spent many hours thinking about this circumstance, he would be fired if Strauss figured out that he was an addict and what would happened after he would be fired ?  
Would they still visit him and let him being part of the family ?  
Would they help him to stop using?

They didn't help him the first time… he made it as clear as he could that he needed their help...

_Each time an addict needs a fix they need more of the drug to get off, so his primes most likely get much worse.  
It'd be almost impossible for him to quit without help._

They just sent him a concerned look and Gideon just told him some superficial things he already knew. He needed to do it all on his own, usually he wouldn't mind, he was always on his own since his father left his mother and himself, so he was able to take care of himself.  
_This time_ was different, he was helpless and he didn't know what to do, stop using was the most challenging thing he had ever done and he needed to do it alone.  
_This time_ he was used to have a family around him and if something was wrong they always told him they would help him with everything that might bother him, but when he really needed them they acted like strangers.

Would they abandon him like Elle, Gideon and Seaver?

Gideon… he abandoned Reid and left him with just a letter and Reid felt still betrayed, but the team never tried to find him, he had issues and they all knew it, still nobody cared about to find him.  
Reid tried to convince himself that the team would never abandon him like Elle and Gideon, because he wouldn't leave on his own, he would be fired and they would still take care of him and be his family.

He was sure…but now it was different.

* * *

Right now, he needed to decide if he wanted to stay on their team, and if he would leave they might forget about him like they did about Elle and Gideon and Seaver?

The simple thought scared him, but not why he would have expected it, he was scared but not because of losing his family –  
he was scared of being alone again.  
He felt betrayed by the team all of them - even Morgan, Garcia and Rossi.  
He could have helped Morgan and Garcia to find Doyle and Rossi was a brilliant profiler, Reid was sure he had suspected Hotch and JJ of hiding something and he couldn't have missed Morgan and Garcia's secrecy. Sure _he_ missed it, but _he_ was still so devastated about Emily, so he would never assumed that his team would hurt him like this.

* * *

He was scared of being alone.  
He was socially awkward and it was difficult for him to find new friends, so he just decided to be happy with his team, because nobody ever accepted him like they did.  
He never had friends or a family before he knew them… how did he even knew they were his friends and his family if he didn't know what that meant.  
Well, they always told him they were a family and that they were his friends so he believed it, he read a lot of books about friendship and family and he knew what their meaning was in theory…  
_  
"Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. A World Happiness Database study found that people with close friendships are happier."  
_  
Indeed he felt happier after joining the team, he finally thought, he belonged somewhere and that they accepted him.  
And they always told him they were his family, but the word "family" implied a relation by blood, but they were not related. It always confused that they told him it didn't matter if they were related or not and that they were still a family, so Reid accepted it, he was used to not understand any social interaction.  
But after everything what happened he started to doubt what they told him, and he started to think about that they would probably forget about him and that the word family didn't seem to mean much to them.

He interrupted his thoughts, he didn't need depressing thoughts like this right now, he already struggled with the drug, he hadn't used for 3 days and it already killed him, his headaches were pretty intense and sometimes his hands started to shiver, he became dizzy or nauseous. He didn't sleep well and he hadn't eaten a lot in the past days as well.  
He made his way to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror above his sink and just stared at the miserable creature that looked similar to his old self.  
His hair was messy and his skin was pale, it might have been always pale but now it looked like he was sick, well he was. The bags under his eyes were dark and became even more present than usual on his pale skin. His eyes were blood shot and his lips were dry.  
All in all he looked like a zombie.  
He vomited violently, making it just in time to bend over his toilet. He already experienced withdrawal it was hell on earth, but he made it the first time and he would make it this time and again he would do it on his own.  
Even if it would be so much easier just to continue using, but he didn't want to be weak, he was weak when he started taking dilaudid and he was weak when he didn't stop himself after this moment of weakness, but right now he felt so much anger against himself and the team that he didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeming weak again, the always gave him the feeling of being weak, he was an FBI agent after all but they treated him like a child… like an inexperienced and weak child.  
He hated it to be treated like that, he experienced more than most of the agents at the FBI before he even started to work there, he was always proud of making it regardless his issues and then he joined the team and they treated him like he didn't deserve the job.  
After he brushed his teeth to get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth, he took a shower.  
The water ran down his body and he felt protected by it.  
He dressed himself in some clothes he had placed on the cupboard right next to his sink, before he got in the kitchen to make coffee. He decided it would be worth a try and took a toast out of the cupboard in his kitchen, which was just filled with toast and some old jam, he took a small bite of the toast and was relieved that he didn't get sick.  
He was able to keep the whole piece of toast down and he took place on his couch to drink his coffee.  
The first time he stopped using, he experienced that the desire to do drugs was much more intense in his apartment, where nobody could see him and so he got up to leave his apartment he took the bag that still laid where he dumped it yesterday when he had arrived at home.  
Before he left he took the vial out of his bag and eyed it before he stuffed it back in his old leather bag.  
He closed the door to his apartment behind him and slowly went down the stairs, he met one of his neighbors and smiled at her.

"Spencer, good to see you, how are you doing?" she was a nice old lady he sometimes met on his rare free days.

"Good morning, Mrs. Butcher, good to see you, too – I'm fine, how are you? He could see in her eyes that she knew that he had lied to her about being fine - every person who would see him could say that he wasn't fine without being a profiler.

"Oh, I'm doing just great thank you for asking, have a good day", Reid was thankful that she accepted his lie.

"You, too" he lifted his hand a send a small wave in her direction before leaving the apartment building. It was an old house but paying for the Bennington Sanitarium was pretty expensive and the money he earned wasn't that much. He could always go to a casino, but he felt no need for a better place.

He made his way to the coffee shop, he visited almost every morning and greeted the woman behind the counter.

"Hey Charlie" her name was Charlotte, but she told him right after he moved here and she knew he would visit this place more often, that she preferred to be called Charlie. She had brown and wavy hair that fell just past her shoulders.

"Hi Spence, I thought you had forgot about me, I guess you want a big coffee with the usual mass of sugar in it, am I right?" she smiled and he smiled back at her, he liked her – she was always gentle to him even if he was not good at talking to other people.

"You're right - as always" he smiled shy at her.

"Well then, have a nice day" she smirked and handed him his coffee.

"Oh thank you, I hope you have a good day yourself."

He walked through the streets to the park, where he used to play chest, he took place on a bench under a tree and drank his coffee while he read the newspaper, he bought from the old man that sold them right at the entrance of the park.

This was how Spencer Reid spent his free days, if he wasn't reading, working on a new thesis or watching TV, it isn't like he didn't want to do something else, but he always felt like he didn't had a choice.  
If it wouldn't have been for the constant desire for dilaudid, it would have been a normal day.

* * *

He crossed the park and observed his surroundings, some kids where laughing at the little playground and their parents had taken place on some benches while watching their kids, so they were sure nothing would happen to them.  
Right next to the playground was a small lake where some teenagers sat and listened to music while chatting and laughing.

Things he never experienced himself, but that was the past.  
He learnt early that changing the past was impossible so he accepted it and tried to focus on the future. The future could still be changed…

He still didn't really know what to do, at least he told himself that he didn't know.

He walked around in the city before he returned to the park and played some chess with anybody who wanted to, not one of them was a real challenge for him, but still he enjoyed it.

* * *

He arrived at his apartment and he placed, the Indian food he just bought, on a plate and took a place in front of his TV. He watched some episodes of Doctor Who, after changing into more comfortable clothes.  
The bag in the corner of the room never really lost his attention, he ignored the dizziness that hit him after getting up from the couch and the sharp needles that seemed to hit his head.  
He made his way to bed and felt proud of making another day without using, even if the withdrawal was hell on earth this day was still a success, he wasn't weak today.

He let himself consume by the darkness of the night and was welcomed by a dreamless sleep.

**it might get annoying, but thank you so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it (:  
And a special thanks to MCatry and tannerose5, who helped me very much by telling me their opinions.  
this is the longest chapter in the story until now and I hope it isn't boring, but I think it is important to show how Reid is dealing with the betrayal and the drugs, I don't know much about drugs so I focused on the betrayal - I still tried to include the drugs, but I didn't want to write things that are wrong so I kept it small, I hope you don't mind. In the next chapter I want Reid to have a talk with someone, I'm thinking about Morgan but I'm not sure - Reid feels betrayed by him as well, but I think he could still talk to him.**

**Of course I would be very thankful if you would tell me your opinion and if you have any ideas how to continue this story let me know some of you already helped me with that a lot(:**


	6. Chapter 6

The sunday morning was uneventful, Reid showered and tried to keep his breakfast down, the effects of the withdrawal still wore him out and the bag in the corner of his apartment was still his center of attention even if he would never admit it.  
He decided to visit a meeting of the Beltway Clean Cops, it really helped him the first time, nobody pitied him there or looked at him like he could break down any second, like his team did. They understood him and that was exactly what he needed right now.

He closed the door to his apartment and locked it before he made his way to the train station.

* * *

After half an hour he arrived at the building where the meeting took place in, it was always weird for him to attend the meeting, only by attending it, he admitted his addiction, he was used to hide it from his friends and not to talk about it, but here it was different.  
Everybody was in the same situation, he was. They all struggled with an addiction and even if it felt weird, he didn't really feel uncomfortable.  
He greeted some police officers he already knew from former meetings and made his way to a chair just in time before the meeting started.  
The sequence of events was always the same, they all sat down and one person stood in the front of them telling about his life and his problems after that another person did the same thing, until the time was up – then they just talked to each other in small groups, more like a meeting of friends.  
So the meeting started and Reid wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about his problems in front of these people, not because he didn't trust them, but this time he thought about quitting his job and he was sure most of them would try to convince him, that it was a wrong idea and he didn't needed other people's opinions right now, he was already confused by his own thoughts.  
Some cops stood up and told them about themselves, one of them was afraid of a upcoming event which would include plenty of alcohol and he told them that he didn't know if he was ready to refuse it.  
Another one told them about his daily life and that this meeting had really helped him, he told them that he would propose his girlfriend next month when he would be clean for 1 year.  
They all applauded when he left the small stage and some of the people who were his friends , or at least who knew him better than the most of them, whistled.  
This action would have been something Morgan would have done, Reid was sure about it and he couldn't hide a small smile, there were a few seconds he forgot about everything that had happened.  
Another young man made his way to the stage and introduced himself, his name was Adrian and he was twenty four years old, he was working at a local police station for 3 months now. He told them that he didn't know what to do, he was an addict in high school but he made it to stop using and now he was afraid that he might start using again, after seeing a four year old girl die right in front of him.  
Reid's thoughts jumped directly to the meeting where he stood there himself talking about a boy that was shot right in front of him and he had told the people at the meeting the same, that he was afraid of giving up and start using again.  
When Reid looked up from his lap, Adrian had already left the stage.  
Nobody stood up and there were 10 minutes left, and Reid didn't know why but the thought of the last time he struggled with the drug before Emily, motivated him to get up from his chair.  
He was incredibly nervous, he knew that his hands shaking, wasn't a sign of withdrawal this time.

"Hello, my name is Spencer"- it was always weird for him just to introduce himself as Spencer, everybody on his team introduced him as Doctor Spencer Reid, so he introduced himself the same way. The people in the room greeted him and Reid could recognize some of their faces.  
"I had a problem with dilaudid, but I stopped – I thought it was over but" he swallowed it was exactly what he had said at his first meeting, but now it was different, he had already started using again ...and anyway more than one thing was different this time.  
" then one of my colleagues got hurt and died and I had a pretty rough time, it is always pretty tough for me to move on after things like that..." he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to tell them about Emily but he needed to tell it someone and he knew nobody outside of this room would know about it.  
",but then she came back" they all looked at him like he was crazy, so he finished his sentence "my unit chief and another coworker of mine faked her death so she would be safe from the man who hurt her in the first place, needless to say that I was pretty surprised" he let a small smile cross his face and some of the cops mimicked his actions.  
"well anyway I know that they needed to protect my colleague, but I still feel betrayed by them and now I don't know what to do and I'm sure you can guess that I wouldn't be here if nothing of this would be connected to my former addiction, I started using again a few months after my friend died." He looked ashamed to the ground, they would think he was weak, but when he looked up he just saw sympathy in their eyes, so he continued.  
"When she came back I didn't know what to do so I continued using, I haven't used for four days now and the withdrawal gives me a hard time, currently.",almost all of them nodded or looked to the ground – they all knew the effects of withdrawal and how hard it was to withstand the urge for the drug in this stadium.  
Reid decided not to tell them about the possibility of quitting his job, not because of the drug but because of the betrayal, so he got off the stage and walked to the table where some water was placed. The time was up and some left the meeting, other cops stayed and talked each other.  
When he crossed the room to leave, he received some looks full of sympathy – a small smile or a nod. Then someone tapped him on his shoulder he turned around and he looked in the eyes of one of his superiors, he already met him once on a meeting.

"John, good to see you" Reid was ashamed the last time he saw him he was almost clear for a year and now he hadn't used for 4 days , not very impressive…

"Spencer, it's good to see you, too even if I wished the circumstances were different." again Reid's whole body filled with guilt, he didn't knew John well, but he never wanted to disappoint his trust in him.

"I've heard about Agent Prentiss and the deception, and I'm really sorry about the effect it had on you, if there's anything I can do…" John could see the guilt in his eyes and it broke him a little to see this young man in his current state.

"Thank you, but I will deal with it myself – I am sure it will be tough but I know I want to stop using and I will make it … I promise you I will make it." His voice broke at the end of the sentence and John just pulled him in a small hug.

"I know you will Spencer, but if you think you need someone to talk about this, don't hesitate to give me a call." He pressed a small card in Spencer's hand.

Spencer looked at the card written on it was John's number and Reid stuffed it in his pocket.

"I really appreciate it John, thank you" he gave John a light handshake and left the meeting.

* * *

When he arrived at his apartment, the sun already had started to fall and wrapped the city in a light red. His headaches became worse and he was desperate – he just didn't know what do, he wasn't able to order his thoughts in this moment his mind seemed like a complete mess, he never had do many make difficult decisions like that before, everything in his life just seemed to happen on his own.  
He got into school and skipped a lot of classes, his father left them and so it became his task to care about his mother, he graduated and attended Caltech – the hardest decision in his life until now was to hospitalize his mother. He joined the FBI academy after recognizing that this was what he wanted, many people told him he should become a doctor but he didn't want to after …_something happened_.  
So he joined the BAU - and now it was on him to decide what would happen next.  
He got up the stairs to his apartment some steps creaked under his weight, he opened the door and he collapsed on his couch, the whole situation was pretty exhausting.  
Constantly thinking about the BAU and his team and trying to withstand the drug… it wasn't easy to hold himself up under this kind of pressure.  
He was ripped out of his thoughts by a knock on his door, it was gentle but still audible.  
He slowly opened the door, it was not usual for somebody to visit him – he looked at the man in front of him, dark skinned, tall and muscular. – Morgan

"Hey Reid, do you mind if I come in?" Reid couldn't believe it suddenly Morgan was interested in his feelings, sure he always treated him like a little brother but over the last month he had never talked to him in private – regardless visited him.

"Morgan what do you want?" he sounded cold and Morgan was surprised to hear this tone of voice coming out Reid's mouth ,usually he had a shy voice that still had something gentle in it or he was rambling but he never heard Reid this emotionless and cold.

"I want to talk with you about …", Morgan couldn't finish his sentence.

"Morgan there is nothing to talk about." Reid didn't want to hurt Morgan but he had no time for dealing with him right now.

"Are you angry at me? I mean I get it - your angry at JJ and Hotch, maybe you are angry with Emily as well, but I didn't know anything about Emily, either – You have no reason to be angry with me." Morgan's voice was angry now.

"You and Garcia searched Doyle on your own, I thought we were a team and we would stick together, but you just teamed up with Garcia and I was all alone in the bullpen, you never thought about it how hard it was to be alone next to Emily's abandoned desk, constantly thinking that she was dead and I couldn't do anything about it. I could have helped you to find Doyle!" Reid was almost screaming now, he didn't want to, but he was just so frustrated.

"Reid, I didn't know that you would feel that way…" and again Reid interrupted Morgan.

"Sure you didn't know you never talked to me, I always tried to talk to you but you were always in your office with Garcia. How should you know how I feel if you don't care about it?"

"I care about you and you know that, I was just so concentrated on finding Doyle that I couldn't think about anything else, it was a rough time for me as well. You're not the only one that grieved."

"I know I wasn't, but it is just pretty difficult for me to move on"

"Get over it kid, you can admit that even you don't really know why you are angry."

"I know why I am angry, because I was alone and because nobody was there for me, well except for JJ, but I think it is needless to say that that doesn't really help."

"So you started using, because of Emily?"

"I started using, because I was devastated and because you all moved on except for me and I just couldn't stand it anymore"

"You could have talked to me, I could have helped you…"

"Like you helped me the first time? Reid's voice was soaked with sarcasm.

Morgan didn't know what to answer, Reid was right they all knew about his addiction, still nobody helped him. He thought Gideon would help him out, but now Morgan realized that he had not known what to do, so he convinced himself that Gideon would deal with Reid.

"Reid, I'm sorry"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Morgan", Reid hoped Morgan would get it and leave, he really didn't want to talk to him.

"So you will leave the team?" this was surreal, Reid wouldn't leave the team… he couldn't.

"Morgan, I will tell you my decision tomorrow until then I beg you to leave", he didn't answer Morgan's question, but Morgan needed to deal with it, he wasn't ready to talk about his decision.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to do…

Morgan squeezed his shoulder, he left and said a small "Good night, kid" before he went down the stairs.  
Reid wanted to sleep but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, not until he was sure what he would tell the team the next day, so he waited a few minutes, before he left his apartment again and made his way to he place he always visited when he had a rough time.

* * *

He arrived at the river when the streetlights already started to illuminate the street, he took a seat on a small hill right in front of the river.  
The lights of the night reflected on the surface of the river.  
This view always helped him to clear his head…  
He thought about what he wanted to do, but it was like his brain wanted to prevent him from making a decision.

"I had never guessed you were the type of man, sitting at a river in night and staring at the water…"

Reid turned abruptly around, sending a wave of dizziness over his body, he stared at Rossi.  
The man was dressed in a grey dress shirt and black jeans.  
He slowly walked down the hill and took a place next to Reid, he was shocked to see Reid, he looked horrible, pale and skinny – you could automatically recognize something was wrong, how had they missed it?

"How did you find me?" Reid wasn't sure if he was happy or annoyed to see Rossi, but now he was here and Reid had to deal with it.

"I asked Garcia to locate your cell phone." Reid smiled, of course it was Garcia who had helped Rossi to find him.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to talk to me… not because I want to force you, but I guess you don't know what to do and I think it would really help you to talk about it… I know you are angry with me as well, but I will listen and believe me it will help."

"Promise me you don't tell the team, I will tell them the things I want them to know myself."

"Promise"

"So I don't really know what I want to talk about, I visited the Beltway Clean Cops today and I'm optimistic that I will stop using, I will deal with that myself" – actually Reid was sure he wanted to accept John's help, he knew he needed help to quit this time, but John could help him, Rossi couldn't…  
"well about the team I don't know what I want to do…"

"You're a brilliant FBI agent, you are a talented profiler and I know that you spent a lot of time at the fire range, so I guess that your shooting improved as well. That's all I can tell you to help."

"Thank you,…" maybe he shouldn't tell Rossi about it, he didn't trust him right now so his promise didn't mean much to him, even if Rossi usually kept his promises…"You know why I spent so much time at the fire range?" he wasn't ready to talk about it, but he knew he needed to tell it someone…

"I thought you wanted to improve your shooting, so you would be able to protect yourself and the team."

"Sounds like a good reason, but no… I spent so much time there, because I was afraid of what might happen if I wouldn't shoot anything at all… it was more like skipping frustration. Until Emily… died I knew only one person who died, my grandfather. He was a great man, my grandmother died before I was born, but I could tell he really loved her. " Reid smiled at this thought and Rossi smiled as well, indeed surprised that Reid talked about family, he usually didn't talk about them and right now it didn't seem to fit the situation.  
"One day he started to think he was sick and when the doctors told him he was just fine, he thought they lied to him, he always told me that doctors were liars and that they would fool him by telling him he was alright." , that was the reason why Spencer decided not to become a doctor, even if he didn't really believe his grandfather, the career of a doctor didn't seem a good idea to him after all.  
"Someday I had a pretty rough day at school and when I arrived in our street, I could see an ambulance parking in front of my home, I thought that my mother might have fallen down the stairs again, then I saw my dad standing in front of our house, he led me inside the house without saying a word, I found my mother in the kitchen, she sobbed and when she looked at me she pulled me in a hug." Reid swallowed, it was hard for him to talk about it, but on the other hand it was a relief to tell somebody about it.  
"My grandfather had committed suicide in our garage, he shot himself in the head…"This garage always meant a lot to him, the house where he and his parents lived, was built by him and he loved to spent his time in the garage.

"Reid, I'm so sorry…" he would have never expected this ending, Reid's eyes shined, filled with water.

"Don't be, it was my grandfather's decision, but when Emily died I was afraid I would be threatened to become like my grandfather, I am afraid of developing schizophrenia and when I visited some doctors they told me I was fine, but I didn't believe them, when Emily died I recognized I had become like my grandfather so I started visiting the fire range more often I thought I could prevent myself… "

"You thought about committing suicide?" that really shocked Rossi, he knew the kid had a rough time but not that he actually thought about suicide.

"Yes, only for one second but the thought frightened me so much that I wanted to erase this thought...maybe it was stupid to spent time at the fire range, but it seemed logical back then."  
Reid smirked at the solution he chose back then, spending time at the fire range to prevent shooting himself...  
They both just stared at the River, while Rossi squeezed Reid's shoulder.

"Rossi,… thank you for listening to me" Reid faced Rossi and Rossi could recognize it was right that Reid had talked about his thoughts about committing suicide.

"You're welcome and I hope whatever decision you make will make you happy."

"I don't know yet I think I need to figure it out if it will make me happy in the end."

* * *

Rossi offered Reid to drive him home and he accepted the offer, they didn't talk.  
When they arrived at Reid's apartment they both said their goodbye and Reid just collapsed on his bed once he entered his apartment, he finally knew what to do…

**A long chapter again, I'm sorry it just happened :P  
I have 1,400 views on this story and I would have never expected that people could be really interested in my story - so thank you!  
This time I am really excited to hear your opinions, I am not sure if I like this chapter, but I tried to add some of my personal experiences in the scenes about Reid and his grandfather, Reid never talked about his grandparents so I thought it would still fit the story...  
The next chapter will be about Reid telling the team about his decision.  
So as always please review so I know what you like or don't like (:**


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Reid arrived at the bureau and he felt like he was sick, every inch of his body was exhausted and he was ready to get this pressure off him even if it wouldn't be easy.  
He left the elevator and entered the bullpen, Morgan and Emily sat at their desks, and he could see JJ, Hotch and Rossi working in their own offices, he thought if he would just sit down on his desk everything would go on like nothing of all this happened.  
Morgan looked at him, Reid could recognize that Morgan was insecure after their talk at Reid's apartment and Emily didn't dare to talk to Reid at all, the guilt was spread all over her appearance.  
Hotch saw Reid standing in the bullpen and before he got the chance to tell Rossi and JJ to meet at the conference room, he could see them already leaving their offices to head there.  
Morgan and Emily did the same, so did Garcia who probably got a message from Morgan - he got up from his chair and entered the conference room, Reid already stood in front of the table and waited for him to sit down.  
"Before I start I'd like to thank you, that you gave me time to think about my decision" he looked from Morgan to Rossi, not angry – he just looked at them " I took the time to realize what I want to do…" this was more difficult that he expected it to be…

"I will leave the team…" that was it, he said it and now there was no way back for him.

The shock in their faces broke his heart and his stomach started to hurt intensely.  
"I will move to Las Vegas, to be able to visit my mother more often and to get the chance to get a distance to all of this, I want you to know why I decided to leave the team, you can already guess that I feel betrayed by all of you and that it was always hard for me to forget about things like that, I had a tough time and I need to concentrate on taking care of myself, this time I really need to take care of myself… I started using again and …" he swallowed it was hard to say it out loud, he told Rossi about it, but there were just the two of them and now his whole team stared at him." I thought about committing suicide…" Garcia started to sob and JJ broke silently down in her chair, the other members of his team tried to hold it together, well Rossi already knew about it. Emily's reaction was the most surprising she started to cry in front of all of them, that was pretty unusual for her, what made it even more difficult not to tell them that it was just a joke, but they needed to understand what made him to decide to leave the team.  
"I want you all to know that this is not your fault, yes you betrayed me and I felt alone and yes currently I can't deal with you, but the reason I wanted commit suicide wasn't you, I mean you can guess it didn't help me, but I thought about it because of other things."  
Rossi nodded in his direction, he understood that Reid didn't want to tell them about his grandfather and they didn't need to know, still he was happy that Reid at least told them that it wasn't about them.  
"I got many job offers in Vegas and I will accept one of them."

Now it was they turn to talk.

"Reid I respect your decision, but don't feel the need to move to Las Vegas because of us, I will let you transfer to another unit." Hotch wasn't sure how to feel, - this couldn't be happening.

"I know you will, but I need to get out of here…"

"Reid, I will quit this job…you shouldn't be forced to leave this team because of me.",Emily whipped the tears out of her face.

"Emily I don't want you to quit, I will leave no matter what."

"Spence,…"JJ's voice broke"I'm so sorry" she started to sob and tears streamed down her faces.

"I know." Reid wanted to tell her she had no need to be sorry, but he couldn't lie to her either.  
Garcia just cried while Morgan held her, both of them knew that no one could change Reid's decision.  
It broke Reid to see his team like this, he was the reason for their pain right now and he really wished he wouldn't be.

"I don't want you to contact me, until I decide to contact you, I don't want to lose you and you should know that you will always be a part of my life if you want to."

"Sure we want to be a part of your life, sweetie." Garcia interrupted Reid, she wanted him to know that they would always be his family.

"Thanks Garcia, anyway I will contact you if I'm ready. JJ –"  
JJ would have never expected to be addressed by Spencer.

"You _were_ one of my best friends, and Henry is my godson, please tell him that I didn't want to leave him but I needed to… I want to be still his godfather if you let me, I will send him short letters and probably some presents" Reid looked at Garcia and they smiled, they always spoiled Henry with presents.

"Sure I want you to be still his godfather, I hadn't asked you in the first place if I didn't want you to."  
Spencer was glad about JJ's answer; he didn't want to lose Henry.

"Hotch, I already gave my resignation to one of our superiors" Reid almost let John's name slip, he didn't want them to know about him, he called him this morning and explained his situation, John told him that he was sad about his decision and that it was a loss for the team, but he still told him he would support him in his decision and that he hoped they would stay in contact, Reid had told him that he would call him when he would arrive in Vegas and he asked him if it was okay to call him if he had a problem with the addiction , John had laughed and told him he would always help him.

"I think that's all I wanted to say…" it was not all he wanted to say...

"That's it? You are just leaving like that…?" Morgan almost screamed.

"Morgan please don't…. I need to do this." Morgan wanted to scream and he punched his fist on the table, he stood up and before he had the chance to started to scream again, Reid had pulled him in a hug. It was completely unusual for Reid to do something like this.  
He returned Reid's hug and some tears streamed down his face, he felt his t-shirt getting wet and realized that Reid was crying.  
How could he have been so stupid? It must be a hard for Reid to leave his family and start a new life in Vegas and he just cared about himself.  
Reid lowered his arms and faced the team, his eyes still teary.  
"I think I need to leave… see you guys."  
He wanted to leave the conference room, but this time Garcia had pulled him in a bone crushing hug, the team just watched it.  
"Please…stay safe and please don't forget about us, there is no pressure but please contact us if you are ready…we all know you are a trouble magnet and I need to know if you are still alive after all."  
Garcia cracked a smile and Reid lifted his head in the direction of the whole team.  
"I could never forget you" it was true, Reid would never forget them but right now he wasn't able to forgive them either.

He was ready to start a new life.

**okay I think many of you will hate me for this, but I think it would not have fit the story if Reid would have stayed on the team, I know there are enough stories where Reid has a fight with the team and he always stays in the end, I just felt like leaving the team would be the best for Reid, still I love Reid and the team too much to let Reid just leave them, he will contact them but just after some might be a little OOC in this chapter, but this is the case because this time Reid takes care about himself and not about the will be OOC in the whole story, I hope you don't mind, it's sad but I think a happy Reid is already out of character, because it is a rare thing for Reid to be happy in the show.**

**I think it wouldn't suit Reid to leave the team and forget about them, Reid is such a unique and loyal person and I felt like he would never abandon his team, but in the next chapters there will be a focus on Reid and him moving to Vegas, he will meet new friends and find some love, the chapters of this story were pretty depressing 'till now and I want so badly to let Reid be happy, so = new friends and love (:**

**I hope you will continue to read this story and please review if you have an idea what Reid could experience in Vegas, I have already many ideas about it.  
As always reviews are appreciated - they help me to get to know what you like or don't like (:**


	8. Chapter 8

Everything happened pretty fast, since Spencer Reid decided to leave the team and to move to Las Vegas, he canceled his apartment and left all his furniture in Quantico, he wanted to start a new life with a new apartment and new surroundings including new furniture.  
The only things he kept were his books, his clothes and some souvenirs like a photo of the team, the photo was at the bottom of his baggage and he didn't plan to set it up in his apartment but he didn't want to dump it either.  
He took one of the job offers in Las Vegas, he would work in a job, similar to his former job at the BAU, it was a small building with different units, he was going to work in the decryption unit, he would deal with different codes and would help to catch serial killers, but this time he was not in danger, he would spent every night at home and he would work at regular working hours, the job was paid pretty well, because his new unit was small but very popular, apart from himself there were only four people working on this unit, each one of them was very talented and experienced in working with codes. Reid would be able to pay a new apartment, new furniture and the Bennington Sanitarium, without a problem.  
Before he got to the airport, he drove back to the river where sat the night before he left the team, he sat down and looked at his bag, he grabbed in it and eyed the vial in his hand, he closed his eyes and threw the vial into the river, it was hard for him but he knew it would be completely stupid to take it to the airport.  
He had a lot of time to think about his new life when he flew to Vegas and he discovered that he was scared but still excited.

* * *

After arriving at the Las Vegas airport, he took a taxi to his new apartment, it was just a twenty minute drive to his mother and a ten minute drive with the train to his new job.  
His new apartment was quite bigger than his old one in Quantico, when he took the stairs up to his new home, he could hear children playing and some of them were singing, but they weren't annoying, actually Reid enjoyed it, it made the whole atmosphere in the street brighter,  
He would live in a house with an old couple, the house was too big for them but they didn't want to sell it, so they decided to lease the third floor of the house.  
He knocked at the door and after a few seconds it was opened by an old man with brown hair, some parts of his hair already started to turn in a light grey, the man smiled at him.

"Hello my name is Spencer Reid"

"Oh sure, welcome! My name is Carl, I will show you the house and give you the key to your floor, my son used to live there so it has his own entrance, he wanted some privacy" Carl smirked at the memory.

"Where are you from, my wife told me, but I'm forgetful lately?"

"I lived in Quantico, Virginia but I was born in Las Vegas and lived here before I got to college."

"A Vegas boy…" Carl grinned and Reid smiled in return.

* * *

"So that is it, I cleaned it up so there should be no problems with that – if you have any questions or problems don't hesitate to ask us,we are accessible most of the time." He waved a small goodbye in Reid's direction and Reid entered the floor.

There were some big windows, so the room was very bright and outside there was a terrace and stairs, where he could exit and enter the house on his own. The kitchen and the bathroom were already established by the old couple, apart from that the living room was empty and in his bedroom a simple mattress laid on the floor, he was glad they had left the mattress, he had no bed yet, he had nothing apart from the boxes filled with books and his clothes, he wanted to buy furniture the next day so he was happy he had the mattress,where he would sleep this night.  
He started to pack out some things and then decided to shower.  
After he changed in some clean clothes he had placed on the floor; he heard a knock at the door, an old lady grinned at him.

"Oh you must be Spencer, I'm so happy to finally meet you, I hope everything is fine with the premises."

"It's nice to meet you,too Misses Far. Everything is great and thank you for the mattress, I haven't bought any furniture yet, so I really appreciate it."

"Oh honey, you're welcome and it's Natalie - Is there anything you need ?"

"No thank you very much Misses"she gave him a look that stopped him immediately ..." - Natalie, I'm fine."

"Well ,then welcome to our home... - I mean it,- it is now your home as well, so welcome! We hope you will eat with us, diner should be ready in half an hour."

"Oh that's very nice but,..." Spencer just moved in, he didn't want to intrude their life.

"No buts, you will eat with us." she left the room and closed the door, Reid liked her she might be very talkative, but she had such a warm personality.

Later he closed the door to his apartment and went down the stairs, he made his way to the kitchen, that Mister Far had showed him earlier.  
He entered the kitchen, to hear the old couple laughing, it was nice to see two people who laughed together like that. Mister Far discovered him first.

"Oh Spencer, good you're already here, I just wanted to get you."

"Here honey, take a seat."  
Spencer was pretty uncomfortable, they were so gentle, they treated him like he was family.

"Spencer what do you want to drink? Water? Or something else?" Mister Far addressed him while he helped his wife to cover the table.

"Can I have a coffee, please? And Mister Far I would love to help you get everything ready."

"Boy, call me Thomas, we are living in the same house. And thanks for your offer but today you will be our guest, if you want you can eat diner with us whenever you want to, and after tonight I will really appreciate your help, but tonight you are our guest." Reid understood that there was no sense in arguing with the man.

They ate and Reid carried his dishes to the sink, before Misses Far told him to go to bed, he was suprised that the couple hadn't asked him many questions, but he guessed they knew how exhausted he was. He didn't want to admit it but he was really tired and he was sure the couple had caught him while he tried to suppress a yawn. So he thanked them for the meal and made his way to his floor. He already liked his new home.

The day was exhausting and it was still hard for Reid to stop thinking about the dilaudid, he had stopped getting dizzy a few days ago, but he still had some bad headaches and the craving for the drug was still pretty intense. He decided to call John before he would go to sleep.

"Hello.." John sounded grumpy, Spencer realized he had forgotten about the time change.

"John? This is Spencer Reid, you said I could call you…,but I forgot about the time change. I will call you another day… - I'm sorry." Spencer wanted to end the call but John laughed and interrupted him.

"Spencer, I'm happy you called, I might be tired but now I am awake so we could talk, as well. How is Vegas?"

"Vegas is fine, I moved in my new home today and it is great, but I still need to buy furniture.  
I actually called you, because I need to tell you something…"

"What is wrong?" John's voice sounded concerned now.

"I still had a vial of dilaudid left" – Reid was glad that John didn't interrupt him "and I needed to dump it…you know because of the flight to Vegas and now everything seems to get more intense."

"I'm glad you dumped it… and I understand that it makes things more difficult – I know this feeling, if there is nothing of the drug around you the craving gets just bigger and bigger, "Spencer nodded, forgetting that John couldn't see him" but I know you will survive this, and if the need gets more intense, please call me and we will talk it out."

"Okay John, I will and …thank you."

"You're welcome Spencer, I will try to get some sleep and you should do the same."

Reid apologized one more time for waking John and then ended the call. John always helped him, he didn't say much, but he really helped Spencer by just understanding him and knowing what he was going through right now.  
So Spencer grabbed a book and read some minutes before he drifted off to sleep.

**so Reid is finally in Vegas (:  
I hope the chapter wasn't boring, - that Reid would live in a house with an Natalie and Thomas was more spontaneously than anything else, but I kinda like it, it gives Reid the feeling of a normal family. In the next chapter Reid will meet someone special there might be some fluff, but that will happen more often from now on :D**  
**I am happy that no one of you hates me for Reid leaving the team and I hope you will still read the story, the team will be part of the story but only after some chapters.  
Also a big thank you for all the favorites and follows.**  
**I'm always happy about hearing your opinion so please review. It helps me to get to know what you like or don't like.**


	9. Chapter 9

Reid awoke with an awful headache, he needed some moments to realize where he was, he laid on a mattress in an empty room, he rolled himself over so he could see through the window. The sun had started to rise beyond some houses in the distance. After a few minutes he decided it would be the best to make it quick, so he got up from the mattress and made his way to the bathroom, the shower made him feel better and he thought a coffee would help as well, he was thankful for the coffee machine that the Far's had left it in the kitchen. He could hear voices from the second floor and he guessed that Mister and Misses Far were awake as well.  
The furniture store wasn't opened yet, it was quite early in the morning so Reid decided to explore his new environment,he left a message for the old couple on his door, he didn't knew why but he thought it was rude just to leave the house like that without telling them where he went.  
The neighborhood was pretty nice, there was a small grocery store around the corner and he had also seen a train station,it wasn't far from his home either. The brilliant location was one of the reasons why he decided to rent the floor in the Far's house, Misses Far sounded pretty nice on the phone and he was very lucky to find them.

* * *

A few minutes away from his apartment was a small coffee shop, the word "coffee" was written in a simple typeface on a sign over the store.  
He pushed the door open,he entered the coffee shop and immediately something hit him and he found himself laying on the ground. His head had hit the floor hard and the headaches he had since he had woken up this morning nearly killed him.  
He was so confused, he realized the woman laying on him only after some seconds.

"Oh my god… I am so sorry. I'm just so clumsy; I wanted to clear this table and then… well you know best what happened next." She jumped up quickly and pulled him in a sitting position.  
"Are you alright?"

Reid didn't answer, he couldn't ...he was just so overwhelmed by the woman in front of him.  
She was beautiful… blue eyes and brown hair. Her hair looked so smooth and when she had laid on him he was able to tell it smelled like vanilla and coconut, she was skinny and a bit smaller than him and her eyes were so blue they looked nearly unnatural.  
Her face had blushed in a deep red when she took his hand to help him up, and he knew he had blushed as well.

"I'm fine, don't worry." But when Reid try to get up from the floor, if felt like needles would hit his head all over again and he got dizzy, he barely made it to support his weight on a table next to him.  
Immediately the woman was on his side and tried to help him to take a seat in a chair ,another worker of the coffee shop had placed beside him.  
His vision started to blur and he wiped his eyes with his hands, after some seconds his vision got clear and he could see the concerned gaze of the woman that had pushed him to the ground before - and her coworker.  
He was small and bald, he was probably in his fifty's and the dark blue apron, he wore above a white t-shirt, had the name "Mike Carlson" written on it.

"Dude are you alright? , seems like you hit your head pretty hard."

"I'm so sorry Mike it was all my fault…" the woman sounded guilty it hurt Reid to know that he was the reason for it, so he tried to forget about the headaches and put on a smile.

"I'm really fine, I just got dizzy. I already had a light headache this morning before I got here, you have no reason to worry about me."  
Mike didn't belief the kid in front of him for a second, the headaches he told them about didn't seem to be nothing – but he didn't want to annoy the boy with his questions.

"Caroline, go and get some ice for him, I don't want him to have a bump." Reid knew this voice, this was Mike's bossy voice, he sounded exactly like Hotch did… the thought of the team was too much for him right now, he decided to distract himself from his thoughts.

"You really don't have to,…" Reid realized that the dizziness was over and his vision was clear again, so he started to get up from his chair, but Mike pushed him down gently.

"Oh no, you will sit down, Caroline will be back soon with some ice and I will go and make you a coffee."

"Thank you,... I drink my coffee with plenty of sugar in it." Reid's voice was quiet.

Mike laughed and made his way behind the counter.  
Seeing no sense in arguing with the man in front of him, Reid relaxed in the chair and looked at his surroundings.  
The coffee shop was not very big, and it was set up like an old bar the only exception were the missing alcohol and the cigarette smoke, instead of it there were a big coffee machine behind the counter and it smelled like coffee everywhere. The atmosphere in the store was pretty comfortable, there were no customers – there were just Mike and _her._  
Mike returned with his coffee and he set it up on the table, he hold out his right hand in Reid's direction.

"My name is Mike Carlson, I own this place and the charming lady back there is my employee Caroline Miller." Caroline was back with some ice ,Reid shook hands with Mike and waited for Caroline to arrive at the table. She hit Mike on the shoulder and they both smirked evil at each other, before Caroline directed her attention back to the man in front of her, she handed him the ice and he pressed it against the part of his head that had collided with the floor.

"I'm Spencer Reid." Caroline mustered him in a strange way before she rose her voice.

"Hey Spencer, ...-Mike already told you my name," she glanced at Mike and smiled, "I hope you don't mind the question but is it possible that you have ever published an article in a magazine?"

"I actually have published plenty of articles in different magazines." , Reid was stunned he would have never guessed that such a beautiful woman would read things like his article, he hadn't thought she was stupid but it still surprised him.

"I knew it, I have read your article about the human mind and their effects on our behavior. It was pretty impressive, but aren't you quite young, I guess you are in my age."

"I am 29, and thank you I am really happy you don't think the article is boring, my former colleagues told me they thought that it was quite depressing." He knew they didn't meant to hurt him, but still it was nice to hear a compliment from someone else than a few scientists and professors.

"I'm 27 –" Caroline was interrupted by Mike.

"I'm 52 and my favorite color is green, so now I hope you don't mind that I interrupt you two love birds, but we still need to deliver coffee to the law firm Caroline, you clean up and I take the car – I should be back in half an hour."  
Reid and Caroline both blushed, but Caroline ignored it and just kissed Mike on the cheek with an annoyed look.

"As you wish master, Spencer I am really sorry and I hope you let me make it up for you, …"  
,before she could finish her sentence three customers entered the coffee shop and Mike pushed her playful in the direction of the broom in the corner of the store. She greeted the new customers with a big smile.

"Spencer, the coffee is for free and I really hope I will see you again." Mike hurried out of the store with a box full of coffee, he shouted a short bye and got to his car.  
The three man that had just entered the coffee shop had already took place on a table and Caroline swept the few shards on the floor in a bucket before she served the three men, his cup was already empty and it was time for him go to the furniture store, so he got up from his chair, thankful that the dizziness was over. He made his way to the counter to say goodbye to Caroline.

"Hey Caroline I need to go, have a good day."

"Thank you Spencer, I hope I didn't ruin your day and that I will see you again."

They both smiled at each other before Reid exited the store to return to his apartment before he needed to buy some furniture.

**Spencer met Caroline and I hope you like her because she will be part of the story from now on (:  
it's pretty obvious what will develop between the two of them, but I still think it is interesting to read, well at least I hope so.  
It might be annoying but THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reviews/favorites/follows every time I upload a chapter I'm so excited to hear your opinion that I check my emails constantly, so I think you can guess it really makes me happy.  
So please review and do whatever you want, just let me know you're opinion so I get to know what you like or dislike.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

Reid crossed the small garden to the stairs to his apartment, he walked over the terrace and unlocked door, on the kitchen counter was a plate filled with toast, bacon and eggs.  
Spencer eyed the plate and saw a small note placed on the counter,  
_Honey I saw your message, I thought you would like some breakfast – you're far too skinny.  
Natalie  
_Reid smiled, he liked the feeling that someone cared about him, his mother loved him and he knew that, but it was still foreign for him to get some breakfast that looked that delicious.  
His mother tried to make him breakfast once, in the end the kitchen nearly burned down, Spencer still ate the toast she made him, he was so thankful that she tried to make him breakfast that he would have never denied the burnt toast.  
He sat down outside, on the terrace and enjoyed the fresh morning air, while he ate the breakfast Natalie had left for him, it tasted brilliant.  
After he finished breakfast he decided to clean the table and return it to Natalie , he wanted to thank her and giving her the plate back was a good way to approach her.  
When he went down the stairs he heard the TV and he followed the noise, hoping to find Natalie. Instead of Natalie, he found Thomas sitting on a brown leather couch, focused on the football match on the TV.

"Hey kid, Natalie told me you went out to explore the neighborhood, I hope you like it – Where did you went exactly?"

"Morning Mister Far" Thomas gave him the same look that Natalie had given him yesterday evening, so he swallowed and corrected himself" – Good morning Thomas" Thomas nodded in approval so Spencer continued "I just searched for the train station and I saw the grocery store, I also visited the small coffee shop a few minutes…"

" – Oh did you met Mike? He's a friend of mine, did you mention you are living with us, I told him about you and I'm sure he would have been happy to know that you are the kid my woman talked about all the time, she was so happy that we finally found someone appropriate to live in our house – you already know that the house is too expensive for the two of us, so you kind of saved my ass, my woman was pretty difficult, nobody seemed appropriate to her until you called." Thomas gave Spencer a warm smile, the same smile Natalie gave him at any time.  
Spencer was touched, that Natalie had chosen him to live with them, he had his own floor and his own entrance, but they still lived in the same house and Spencer understood that she wanted someone she liked to live with them.

"Yeah I actually met Mike, but he was in a hurry and we didn't get the chance to have a proper talk, he just knows my name and that I like plenty of sugar in my coffee" Thomas' laughter filled the room and Spencer smiled as well.

"Well he will get to know you, you live here for two days and I already know you are a coffee addict, so I guess you will be visiting the coffee shop quite often. Did you meet his employee, Caroline ? – she's such a sweet girl, I think she might be your age."

Spencer blushed and hid a smile.

"Yeah I met her….she kinda bumped into me when I first entered the store, we talked for some minutes, but then some customers entered and I needed to go."  
Thomas had a big smirk on his face that reminded Reid immediately of Morgan; Morgan gave him the same smirked when he teased him.

"That's Caroline..., she is nice but totally clumsy, she is like a daughter to Mike and if I didn't imagine your blushing and smiling at the thought of her I think she made a good impression on you, too."  
Why was everyone he met able to detect his emotions, he had thought that was the downside of working as a profiler and having friends that were profiler as well, but it seemed like even Thomas was able to profile him…Damn he needed to work on hiding his emotions.

"I take your silence as an answer, anyway I need to go – I still need to do grocery shopping before Natalie gets angry and I promise you – you don't want to see her get angry…"

"I heard you… and now go before I really get angry …"Natalie smirked and mimicked Thomas' voice – "and you don't want to see me getting angry…" they both started to laugh, but what surprised the couple was that Spencer had joined them , he was laughing loud and casual.  
It so nice for Natalie to hear the boy laughing like that, for his age he laughed far too seldom.

"Okay I got the hint, see you later Spencer,if I you want me to, I will help you picking up some furniture later."

"That would be great Thomas, I'm not so much into things like that."

"I already guessed that shopping isn't your number one activity."

Thomas left and Spencer realized that he still held the clean plate in his hand, he walked to the kitchen and put it back into the closet.  
"Thank you very much for the breakfast, it was delicious."

"You're welcome and I hope you don't mind if I make you breakfast every day, as I already told you – you are far too skinny and I see it as my personal duty to change that."

"But you really don't need to I'm used to have just coffee for breakfast…"

"I can see that and I think you need to get used to have a breakfast that doesn't consist of coffee and tons of sugar."

Spencer guessed he would also need to get used to have a second mother that was pretty protective of him, but Spencer didn't mind at all.

**woop woop - Chapter 10 - maybe that aren't many chapters for the most of you (or me - I really read A LOT of fanfiction lately) but this was planned to be a one shot so 10 chapters are quite a lot for me.  
I really like Natalie and Thomas and their relationship with Spencer and I hope you don't think that Spencer already trust them too much regarding his trust issues, but I know that my grandparents would behave like Natalie&Thomas do, so I know it is not completely unrealistic :D  
In the next chapter Spencer will go and get some furniture but not worry I won't be as boring as it sound right now, Spencer will met his new colleagues in Chapter 12, I guess.  
Thanky you for your reviews/favorites/follows on the last chapter (:  
Please continue writing reviews and your support in general it really motivates me to upload.**


	11. Chapter 11

After twenty minutes Spencer heard a knock on his door, he had wanted to help Natalie but she sent him back to his floor, Reid got up from the chair on the terrace where he had eaten his breakfast earlier this day.  
He opened the door and nearly got a heart attack, right in front of him was Caroline next to Thomas.

"Hey Spencer, good to see you again."

"Hey Caroline, what are you doing here…- I mean… It's not that I'm not happy to see you again or-" Spencer started to ramble, but Thomas helped him out.

"That's my fault Spencer, go shopping isn't my number one activity either and after I got the groceries, Natalie needed - I grabbed a coffee and told Caroline and Mike about our plans on buying furniture and Caroline is…" this time Thomas was interrupted.

"I'm a woman and we love to go shopping, especially if we don't need to pay the bill, so Mike told me I should release Tom from his duties and help you out, I really hope you don't mind if you don't want to I understand and-" Spencer was surprised that Caroline had called Thomas - Tom - but Spencer guessed that was kind of a nickname for him, it seemed like they knew each other pretty well.

"I would love you to accompany me, the apartment would look terrible if I would buy the furniture all by myself, if I decorate an apartment it looks like an old library in the end."

"Well, I like libraries." She grinned at him.

"Anyway, I will go and watch TV, have fun you two." Thomas was already at the end of the stairs when Spencer and Caroline still looked at each other.

* * *

"You didn't …"

"You think its bad thing? , he will be thankful for that."

"You took by him surprise, he would have asked her himself if he had wanted her to accompany him." Natalie was angry at Thomas, well not really angry but she felt bad for Spencer, she guessed he was pretty overwhelmed by Caroline standing in front of his door to buy furniture with him.

"Come on do you really think Spencer is the guy that just asks girls he likes to buy furniture with him."

Natalie stopped for a moment before she hit Thomas on his right arm.

"Ouch what's wrong with you?"

"You should have asked him anyway, but I like Caroline... and I guess it will make him happier if he already has a friend here."

"So you're admitting that my actions weren't stupid? "

"Oh honey all your actions are stupid, but sometimes they work out anyway."

**Short chapter for today and I'm sorry, the next chapter will focus on Spencer and Caroline (it will be longer) and after that Spencer will finally meet his new coworkers and I'm really excited for that and I hope I don't mess it up. **  
**36 reviews and I'm so overwhelmed, maybe it will be 40 after this chapter - That would be so awesome (:  
I'm really thankful for your support and I hope you will continue it, it helps me a lot to get to know what you like or don't like.**


	12. Chapter 12

Spencer and Caroline walked down the streets in the direction of the train station; Spencer was dressed in a white t-shirt, some dark green corduroy trousers and black chucks, while Caroline wore some jeans with a grey t-shirt, a burgundy cardigan and some sandals.  
For Vegas it was a cold day, Spencer was still used to the weather in Quantico so he didn't mind.  
They entered the train station and suddenly Spencer could see Caroline slip next to him.  
He was able to catch her just before she could hit the ground.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, thank you I just slipped and well you already know I'm clumsy regarding how we met."

"You're welcome – I already own you because you help me to get some furniture."

"You never really asked to accompany me and I still own you because I nearly killed you so I need to make up for that."

"You didn't nearly kill me." They both chuckled and soon after that their train arrived.

It was pretty nice to talk to Caroline, she was so happy and everything seemed so easy with her…so normal. He just went to buy furniture with a friend, a completely normal thing but it was special for him. He didn't have many friends before he joined the BAU and even at the BAU there was rarely anything normal going on…  
He missed the team, he thought about what would they be doing right now and thought of Garcia and Morgan flirting with each other while Emily said something ironic to tease Morgan while JJ tried not to laugh and Rossi just stood there and watched them while Hotch would try to stop them… he didn't want to miss them it made things a lot more difficult.  
He decided he would write them soon, but he needed some time and he was very happy to spend a lot of this time with Caroline and he was very excited to meet his new team.  
He was scared that they wouldn't like him but right now he just tried to concentrate on buying furniture like anybody else would.

* * *

The furniture store was pretty big and Spencer was incredibly thankful that Caroline seemed to know this place and so she lead him through the store.

"This couch would look pretty nice in your living room and it would suit this table…" now it was Caroline's turn to ramble and Spencer enjoyed it, it was nice not to be the one who talked about boring stuff… it was really boring but he listened to her and smiled all the time.  
He didn't need to help her picking out something, she would be a great profiler, they bought nice furniture that wasn't depressing, actually it looked pretty stylish but it suit Spencer as well and some way Caroline was able to find the perfect things for his apartment.  
They bought a black leather couch that was unbelievable comfortable and a black table that suit the couch, a bed that was white and a closet in the same color, the closet was much bigger than his old one and he was sure that he would never be able to fill it but he didn't mind, they bought three big cupboards for his books, so one wall would consist only of books, they also bought a big mirror and a nightstand for his bedroom and a lamp, so Spencer could still read in the night.

They bought many more things and in the end Spencer was handed quite a bill by the cashier.

"Have a good day." the casheer was a young boy in his twenties, he probably still went to college.

"You, too." Spencer and Caroline answered in the same second and they both started to giggle, the cashier smirked at Spencer.

"Well you two are quite a couple, you even say things simultaneously." the young man chuckled.

"Oh we are no…-" , Spencer started to stutter.

"We are just…-" Caroline was interrupted by the cashier.

"Oh I get it." The cashier just proceeded to do his job, but they were still a bit awkward.

* * *

They went to rent a car at the furniture store, for their purchase and then they drove home.

They talked all the time until a song in the radio started and Caroline started to sing along.

_I hear the drums echoing tonight  
she hears only whispers  
of some quiet conversation  
_  
"Come on Spencer, everybody knows this song - sing with me it will be fun."

"A study just released by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has found that multitasking drivers are three times as likely to be involved in a crash."

"Oh come on Spencer, please…" damn her eyes were so blue…

And when the chorus started and Caroline sang louder, Spencer just said the lyrics like a statistic or in a conversation. Caroline glared at him and he actually started to sing, Caroline turned the music louder and they just laughed and sang.

_It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you  
there's nothing that a hundred men  
or more could ever do  
I bless the rain's down in Africa  
gonna take some time to do  
the things we never had ooh ooh_

"I told you it would be fun…"

"Maybe you were right, it was a bit funny but I still don't understand the sense of it."

"See that's your problem, there is no sense in singing you just do it to have fun."

"That's not very functional."

"Oh I guess you will be a lot of work Doctor Reid." She stressed the last part of the sentence.

"What kind of work?"

"I will teach you how to have fun and live your life, it seems like you are not very bright in that category."

Spencer didn't know what to answer, she was right he really could use some help.

"Well since you own me, regarding you "nearly killed" me – I think that's what I want you to do…"

"I'm in."  
Caroline was surprised that Spencer accepted her help just like this but she was happy that she was able to help her new friend. He was really something special and even if he was shy she knew that they would have a lot of fun and that there was more than a shy and awkward Spencer Reid.

Spencer offered Caroline to drive her home and she told him she lived right next to the coffee shop. A few minutes later he parked in front of the apartment, it suited Caroline and he was surprised that he hadn't seen it the first time.

"Thank you for this day, it was really great…-" Spencer felt his throat turning dry and hoped that this effect would disappear soon.

"You're welcome and I really enjoyed it...just tell me when you have some time left and then we will start the lessons." She grinned and it warmed her heart to see Spencer smile as well, he had a wonderful smile.

"I will, I start working tomorrow , I'm free on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday but you can call me whenever you want."

Spencer waved a shy goodbye in her direction and she just laughed, Spencer was a great guy and she would definitely call him…  
"Spencer wait…- I don't have your number." Spencer just glanced over his shoulder.

"It's behind your ear, see you." He gave her a last smile and drove home.

Caroline grabbed behind her ear and found a piece of paper with a number one it, she smirked, that was something she would ask Spencer about, the next time they would meet, there was a lot she did not know about Spencer Reid, but there was plenty of time to change that.

**Chapter 11 and it's a lot of fluff, but I already warned you that there will be a lot of it.  
I never thought about Spencer singing because it was something he would never do, and that's exactly the reason why he sang in this chapter, when I sing I feel free and happy and I wanted Spencer to feel the same song Caroline and Spencer sang was  
Toto-Africa and I listened to it a lot lately, so I just added it to the story, but if you don't like the song, imagine it would be another one ;)**

**In the next chapter Spencer will meet his new team.**

**So 39 reviews and nearly 3900 views so I hope this chapter will be a reason for you to review, it will make my day and I really need this right now because school starts on Monday and the last day before school starts is ...pretty depressing so please review :D**


	13. Chapter 13

Spencer opened his eyes and it was Monday, today he would meet his new team.  
He showered and dressed, he wasn't hungry but he knew that Natalie would not let him leave this house without "an actual breakfast" as she liked to put it.  
So he went downstairs and greeted Thomas and Natalie.

"Morning you two."

"Good Morning Spencer, ready for your first day at work?" Natalie smiled bright like the sun, she smiled always like this and it was stunning.

"Good morning, kid - I bet you are excited." Thomas eyed the young man in front of him, he would have never guessed that he was a genius, when Natalie told him how bright he was and where he would work in Vegas, he was beyond impressed, his decryption unit was very popular in Vegas, an all over the country.

"I'm pretty nervous but I'm looking forward to my new job, I love working with codes and I'm excited to meet the team, I really hope they accept me."  
Spencer wanted to say "I really hope they like me", but he didn't want to sound like a child on its first day of school.

"Oh sweetie, they will love you." Now Natalie sounded like a proud mother on her child's first day of school, Spencer sighed but smiled, he didn't mind Natalie's way of treating him , he actually enjoyed it. He knew that even if she behaved like a mother she still understood that he was a grown man and he knew from his own mother that they always treated their children like little kids.

"I'm sure you will have a great day." Thomas liked this boy and he couldn't imagine that his new coworkers would have a different opinion about it.

They finished breakfast and Spencer went upstairs to grab his bag, he glanced at the telephone on the new table in front of his couch, it was pretty exhausting but he managed to set up everything yesterday evening, before he called John to tell him about Thomas, Natalie, Mike and Caroline, they didn't talk about dilaudid, but John knew that was Spencer's way to show him that he could hold it up, instead they talked about their daily life – Spencer wanted to ask about the team but he would ask them himself, soon.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later he arrived at the small building, it was not really small but the FBI bureau in Quantico was pretty big, so everything would have seemed small in comparison.  
He pushed a heavy glass door open and crossed a corridor before he found himself in a big bureau, with an incredible mass of different devices and computers, there were five tables set up in a circle. On the head of the circle was a bigger table, probably the table of his new boss.  
Suddenly Spencer realized the four people who stared at him, one of them got up from the biggest table on the head of the circle and smiled at him.  
"Doctor Spencer Reid? My name is John Stone – I'm your new unit chief, I'm happy to finally meet you, I heard a lot about you."  
John Stone was a big man in his late forties, his hair was a dark blond and he looked slightly muscular, his eyes were green and he was dressed in a white t-shirt, some black jeans and some black leather shoes.  
"Yes, I am Doctor Spencer Reid, it's very nice to meet you, too Mister Stone. I heard a lot of things about you and your unit, as well –only exceptional brilliant things I'd like to add."  
Mister Stone laughed and looked at the other three people in the room.  
"Laura did you hear that, he called me Mister Stone, I wished you would be a bit more like him, he knows how to respect his boss."  
Spencer looked to the ground, he had talked one minute and they already joked about him.  
John realized Spencer's behavior and tried to get things right.

"Doctor Reid, I was just kidding with Laura, she works hear for 5 years now and she is far too comfortable around me, I guess after the first year she started to forget about the respect at all." – Reid could hear the woman, Laura, laughing in the background. "Just call me John, and I hope you don't mind me calling you Spencer if that's alright or do you want us to call you something else?"

"No Spencer is fine, thank you John." It felt so weird to call his boss "John", but he would get used to it.

John turned around and looked at his coworkers, they got up from their tables and a man shook his hand first, he was smaller than him but more massive than he was, he was probably in his mid-thirties - he had dark brown hair and brown eyes. He wore a black dress shirt and a casual jeans with some black shoes.  
"Hi my name is Jake Smith."  
The woman next to him addressed him, she was skinny but curved and hear black hair was put in a messy bun, she looked like a woman in her early thirties, just some years older than him – she wore a dark brown jacket and some beige top with a jeans and brown boots.  
"Hello Spencer, I'm Laura Thomson."  
The last woman looked a bit older than Laura, she had middle long blond hair, she wore a white top and a red cardigan, a black jeans and red shoes that matched the color of her cardigan.  
"Last but not least-" she grinned and waved at him friendly" my name is Kate Ward."

**So just a little introduction to the new team, you will get to know them in the next chapter.  
I would love to hear your opinion about them, or some characteristics I should add to the team, I have already a lot of things in my mind but still appreciate your help.  
School starts tomorrow and I don't know if I will be able to upload tomorrow, I will update as soon as possible.  
Reviews/Follows/Favorites always makes me update, it's just overwhelming to hear that you are interested in the story so thank you (:**


	14. Chapter 14

Spencer greeted his new coworkers, he was still suspicious it wasn't easy for him to trust someone, but at least they seemed nice and pretty comfortable with each other.  
John led him to his new desk that was set up between Jake and Laura. There was a laptop on his desk and some files, each desk looked different. John's desk was filled with tons of paperwork and an enormous computer, on the left of the computer were some pictures of a little girl and an older girl, but it was probably the same one. One picture showed John and a woman, John in some shorts and a casual t-shirt and the blond woman wore a blue summer dress.  
Jake's desk next to Reid's was pretty disorganized and there was just one photo on the desk, but there were plenty of people on it, there were at least twenty people of different ages - a family photo.  
Laura's and Kate's desk were not different , there were some photos of their family, Kate's had also a photo of herself and a man, while Laura had a photo of herself and a big dog. He assumed that Jake and Laura were single.

"It's quite obvious you are a profiler."

Reid shrieked up and saw Jake looking at him, he felt guilty that he had started to profile them, he was afraid they wouldn't like to be profiled like that.

"I'm sorry, it's none of my business – Sometimes I can't help it and I automatically profile the people and things in my environment." Reid directed a small smile at Jake and John.

"Don't worry we will be a team from now on, so you will get to know us either way." Reid could say that Jake was a nice guy after this short dialogue, his expressions were gentle and his smile was casual, like he smiled a lot – his eyes showed a warmth and Reid felt welcomed by him, he was afraid they would see him as an invader in their own little family, but he already felt comfortable around them. It was still strange not to be around his team and he didn't know these people, they could fool him – but he needed to believe that they were trustworthy if he would be suspicious all the time, his new life had no chance to be an improvement to his old one.

"Spencer, what did you find out about us until now, if you don't want to tell me I understand – It's just that I'm really interested in profiling and I would really love to know what you know about us just because of our behavior."  
Kate looked expectantly at him and he could feel the gaze of Laura and Jake on him as well.

"Kate, leave Spencer alone it's his first day." John laughed, Kate was always so curious about everything and Spencer being a genius and knowing a lot of things, would drive her crazy, he guessed they needed to endure her curiosity now more frequent than ever. She was so excited to meet Spencer, like they all did. Spencer was a impressing person with brilliant skills in different departments. They were lucky to have him, John was aware how much job offers Spencer had and that he choose their unit was a great opportunity for them to improve their work.

"No, if you're not angry at me for profiling you – I can sure tell you." Spencer didn't want to be impolite by intruding their privacy but they asked for it…  
"Jake you are an open minded person, you are friendly and you laugh a lot I guess you always joke around, you are small but massive and on your left arm are some scarves and it seems like your right arm is easier for your to coordinate, so I guess you played football in high school and got hurt, you have a family photo on your table, it is a big family and you are all standing close to each other, so I guess you're family is pretty close on an emotional state, too. I'm sure you have siblings, because you seem like a typical older brother and the way you interact with Laura and Kate, shows you see them as your sisters as well. You are overprotective of the ones you love, when I entered the office you stood some inches before Laura and Kate before you realized that I was not a threat to them. I'm afraid you had an experience where somebody who's close to you got hurt and now you don't want to be in a similar situation again. You are obviously extraordinary smart… you all are, either way you wouldn't be in this unit – a football player who's smart would have a hard time, so you always hid your knowledge. You are single and you are confident, but you wouldn't mind have a girlfriend, because you enjoy a relationship and get the chance to be protective of your girlfriend is sure something you would enjoy. All in all I think you are a good man and most people don't give you the credit you deserve; I think you are an amazing person."  
Reid blushed at the last part of the sentence he really meant what he had said but he usually didn't say things like that out loud…  
Laura and Kate smirked while John had tears in his eyes and nearly fall out of his chair. Reid's first thought that they were laughing about him but Laura let this thoughts disappear.

"Oh Jake, I knew Kate and I meant something to you and now that was approved by an professional profiler." Laura made her way to Kate and they both burst out laughing all over again.  
John still smiled while Jakes jaw just dropped, Spencer was right with everything he said, it was unbelievable how much he already knew about him, they had barely the chance to talk to each other… Spencer just walked into this office half an hour ago…

"That's pretty impressive Sherlock." Reid laughed at this nickname, he always saw profiling as a special way of investigation, but he never saw himself as kind of a detective.

"Well thank you Watson, I'm proud that I'm obviously right." Reid felt weird, joking with someone he barely knew – but this time nobody stared at him like he just turned green, back in Quantico he never joked because it used to have this effect on his team, like he wasn't allowed to joke, sure some of his physics jokes were not easy to understand but still…

"It's my turn." Kate shouted excitedly.

"Alright, Kate you are a happily married woman and you really love your husband, I saw the way you looked at the picture of both of you when you sat down first, he is on a vacation for some weeks and you really miss him, you have no children but you really would love to have children, I guess you are the type of person who wants at least two kids and regarding your age, " at that comment Kate raised her head warning in his direction but Reid didn't see it "you probably want to have children over the next years. You're not from Vegas, I grew up here and somehow I know when someone was born here or not, I guess you are from the east coast, maybe Boston – you were raised in a city, you have some postcards with landscapes on them - it is usual for children who lived in a city, wanting to have some photos of nature around them, while children from small towns tend to have some pictures of big cities in their house or in this case at work. You have a small family consisting of your mother and your father, you have no siblings but you always wanted a sister or a brother. You are obviously were curious and eager to learn, you always were - even as a child and that you are here shows that you parents are good people, they weren't annoyed by your questions, instead they gave you the chance to learn. Your relationship to the team is very good and I assume your see them as a part of your family, especially you didn't know someone when you moved here in the first place."

"That was awesome, you know you are amazing aren't you?, Spencer blushed and Jake hit him on the back, while Laura smirked at him.

"Maybe I should call Rick and tell him that his wife has a crush on a handsome genius, quite a competition for a simple lawyer - don't you think Kate?" Kate pouted and Spencer blushed in an even deeper red.

"Shut up Laura, it's your turn."  
Reid looked at Laura and she nodded for him to continue.

"Laura you had a difficult childhood you were always happy and childish but because of that you were bullied in school, it was a rough time for you but you were obviously still able to hold things up and regarding you joke, laugh and smile a lot, these things weren't able to bring you down, still there is some insecurity in your eyes when you laugh, I'm sure that's my fault and not your team's. You love them like a family even someone who isn't a profiler could see that, you are comfortable and confident around them, because I can tell you all accept people as they are, I'm here for an hour and I already feel comfortable around you even if I have usually trust issues. They make you feel good and you are able to be yourself without any doubts because you know that they will never let you down, still when I entered the office you seemed insecure and I guess you are still suspicious around new people because you are afraid that somebody might treat you the way the kids in school did, but if it helps I was bullied myself - I was a 12-year old genius in a public high school in Las Vegas, believe me when I tell you I would never want you to change, and that you are still smiling a lot, shows me that you are a strong person, I know its hard to hold up when somebody tells you that you're worthless - but you made it. You are single and I guess that is because of your trust issues, you are obviously a beautiful woman and I'm sure that you aren't single because nobody is interested in you. I think you are able to keep a relationship up, until you recognize that you are starting to trust someone, you get vulnerable and before it can get serious you break up with the guy, so he can't hurt you first."  
Laura had some tears in her eyes when he finished and he felt horrible for reminding her of the difficult time she had.

"Laura, I'm sorry I shouldn't have.." Laura got up from her desk and smacked him on his arm.

"Spencer don't be stupid, you have nothing to be sorry about , these are happy tears - you may not know it but you can't be quite a gentleman, no man I knew called me strong before, many called me beautiful … still it's nice to hear it from you, but not one of them ever called me strong." When she finished she pulled him in a hug and he hugged her back, Jack and Kate watched it. They knew about Laura's problems and seeing her open up to someone that fast was amazing. Spencer was really special.

"Well, Spencer you should know that you are not Laura's type of guy before you fall for her…", Jake smirked and no it was his turn to be smacked by Laura but this time it wasn't gentle at all.

"Ouch, Laura what's wrong with you."

"Not every gentle guy is so primitive like you are."  
Reid laughed and smiled shyly to the ground.

"I really meant what I said, but there is already someone…"

"So you have a girlfriend?" Kate smirked at Spencer who still had a smile on his lips.

"No,…" Reid had no time to finish his sentence.

"So you said I'm the big brother type, so next time we go out as a team – and we do that quite a lot, you bring her – Kate brings Rick and John will bring his family as well."  
Jake decided it would be a lot of fun for him to be Spencer's wingman.

"We can talk about that later, it's my turn."  
John laughed and looked like a child on Christmas Eve, Spencer was still surprised how his new boss behaved in front of them.

"So John, you have a happy family and you know you wife for a long time, you trust her with everything you have and you love you daughter as much as possible, you are proud of your family and your daughter. Your only family is your wife your daughter and the team, I think you parents abandoned you, at least one of them, that is the reason why you are so proud of your own family and why you are so thankful for having them. For a long time you had no self -confidence left, you thought it was your fault your parents abandoned you, that you wasn't good enough so you blamed yourself for a long time, I guess one of the reasons you love your wife so much is because she helped you to escape this downward spiral. She showed you that it wasn't your fault and she loved you just the way you are since she met you. It is highly possible that you were in foster care and that you are still this high educated shows me that you are a fighter, there are no pictures of your foster parents on your desk, so I guess they didn't help you to become who you are today and that you had to make it all by yourself, but you are proud of your life and I think it completely right to be proud of the life you have."

"We are really lucky to have you Spencer, you are brilliant at what you do and I'm sure you will be a great help for our unit." They all nodded at him encouraging.  
"If you break codes just like you profiled us, you will fit in brilliant."

Spencer smiled, to fit somewhere in was everything he ever wanted.

**I'm really sorry that it took a week to upload this chapter but I'm afraid the next chapter will take a week as well, not because I don't want to but I come home from school pretty late and there is no time for anything left including writing, so I hope you will still read the story.  
I'm really excited what you think about the team and especially this chapter, your reviews keeps me going and they really make me happy.  
I hope you enjoyed reading (:**


	15. Chapter 15

Spencer opened the door and immediately Natalie and Thomas were standing right in front of him, Natalie was obviously excited while Thomas tried to act cool, still there was curiosity in his eyes.

"Spill it Spencer, how did work go? Were they nice? Do you like them? If they were mean…-

Spencer laughed and decided it would be best to interrupt Natalie before she got arrested for insulting several agents.

"Natalie, calm down. It was great, they are all really nice and I like them, we worked on our first case and I get along with all of them. They praised me constantly and we laughed a lot and working with codes is pretty exciting and challenging."

"I'm glad you like it Spencer, but you look tired – let's get you to eat something and then you can get some sleep." Thomas pushed Spencer gently in the direction of the kitchen door, he would sure gain some weight here, Natalie's meals were delicious.  
They talked about Spencer's day and Natalie and Thomas told him that they met Caroline and that she'd like to meet him again, Spencer tried to hide his smile but Natalie caught him while he tried to suppress the smile that lightened his face.

"Spencer, you should call Caroline – You have a free day on Wednesday and I'm sure she would enjoy to go out."

"Natalie, we are just friends, but I guess we could still meet, I like her." He yawned and Thomas sent him upstairs, Natalie kissed his forehead while Thomas wished him a good night.

It was weird, he just lived here for a few days still they treated him like family. He sure wouldn't complain about it, it was just difficult to understand.  
He collapsed on his bed and stared at the ceiling.  
He really liked his team, it wasn't a lie when he told Natalie and Thomas that he got along with them, it was a nice feeling to get compliments on his work all the time, they teased him a lot, but he knew that they were just joking and he sometimes teased them back, especially with Jake he fought all day about stupid things, Spencer felt childish in some moments but they all acted like that so he just adapted.  
The craving for dilaudid was something he got used to, he knew after some time he would forget about it, being a former addict included accepting the craving and to live with it, he knew he would be able to manage it again.  
He wrote John a mail and told him about his new team. He stared at the mails he got once from his team, most of them were about cases, till they knew that he didn't like to have a conversation over emails.  
He missed them, Jake reminded him a lot of Morgan, but they were still pretty different. John and Hotch were two completely different people, and Laura and Kate well… they were completely different from anybody he knew, but he knew they would get good along with Garcia.  
It still hurt to think about them but there were also a lot of good memories and he thought about how he would feel if someone of them had left and he would be in the position to wait for a message, well he was in a similar decision with Gideon, but he decided to write them a mail on his free day and he would call Caroline, but not until tomorrow, he fell asleep immediately, spread all over the bed still dressed in his work clothes.

**another short chapter and I'm sorry, the next one will be longer - I promise (:  
Thank you for all you support, it is always nice to hear your feedback and in the next chapters Spencer will contact his team and I will probably write a chapter (or more) in the point of view of the team, tell me if you would like to read that or if you would prefer another option.  
I'm always happy about reading your reviews, so feel free to leave some feedback (:**


	16. Chapter 16

The next day started great, Spencer woke up without any headaches and he had a nice breakfast with Thomas and Natalie.  
After breakfast he went for a run, what he had started to do on a regular basis since he moved to Las Vegas and after that he took a refreshing shower.  
He felt amazing and he was full of energy - he decided to use said energy to call Caroline.

"Hello?" he just realized how much he had missed her voice.

"Hi…Caroline, it's Spencer,…"

"Oh Spencer, I already thought I scared you a little too much with me singing." He chuckled and she started to laugh.

"Well that is something you sure don't have to worry about."

"Oh a compliment, thank you a lot ."

"You're welcome."

"So I hope you called for a reason, I'm a busy woman."

"I'm sure you are and I would be beyond honored if you would spent some of your valuable time with me."

"That depends on what you want to do…" Spencer swallowed, he actually never thought about what he wanted to do with Caroline, it didn't really mattered for him, he just wanted to spent some time with her.

"Let me guess, you have no idea what to do?"

"Ehm I didn't… actually no. Is there anything you would enjoy?"

"So no matter what I want to do, you participate in it?" He could hear her smirk through the telephone and to be honest he was a little nervous what she would want to do.

"Yes"

"Oh you will totally regret that, there is a great theme park and it is just an one hour drive."

A theme park… that sure included roller coasters. Spencer Reid was more than suspicious about roller coaster regarding that from 1987 to 2000, there were an estimated 4.5 amusement ride-related deaths per year.  
When he was a child, his mother told him that the government would use such places as theme parks to spy on their lives and even if Spencer never believed that it was clear that visiting a theme park with his mother wasn't a possibility.

"Um sure that would be great." He tried to sound confident and he hoped it worked.

"Great, that will be so much fun."

"Yeah,…" fun … how could it be fun to risk his life on an unstable framework " when can I pick you up?"

"Oh you don't need to pick me up if it's alright I'll be at your house in half an hour."

"Okay, I guess I see you soon."

"You will. Bye Spence."

"Bye Caroline."

He would go to a theme park with Caroline.

* * *

First of all Spencer made his way downstairs to ask Thomas for his permission for his car, Spencer felt stupid that he hadn't thought about having no car to drive to the theme park and now he hoped that Thomas wouldn't mind.  
He entered the living room where Thomas watched TV and Natalie read a book.

"Hey kid, you wanna join me?"

"No thank you Thomas, I actually wanted to ask you something…"

"Spill it, boy it can't be that bad." He chuckled and Natalie looked up from her book.

"Well, I called Caroline and she and I want to go to this theme park, but I forgot that I have no car.. and I wanted to ask you if I could use your car." Spencer felt ashamed, he didn't want to be rude, Natalie and Thomas fostered him like family even if he still didn't understand why and now he was afraid he pushed his luck too hard by asking them for a car, they were just his landlords and he felt like his behavior wasn't appropriate. He was sure he misinterpreted their family like behavior…

"That's it? You just want to borrow my car? Spencer was confused about Thomas reaction.

"Well…yeah."

"Boy never frighten me like that again I already thought you would be in trouble, sure you can borrow my car, I'm happy you built up the courage to ask Caroline for a date."

"This isn't a date..." Reid started but got interrupted by Natalie.

"Oh sweety sometimes you are pretty oblivious, do you really think we would stop you from spending a nice day with a beautiful girl and yes it is a date."  
Spencer's jaw dropped he felt guilty they were so nice to him and he never did anything for them. He was always confused if people were so nice to him and to be honest he was also a little bit suspicious about it.

"Thank you , you really are a life savior."

"You're welcome Spencer."

* * *

After twenty minutes Reid shrieked up by a ring on the door, he sprinted to the door, leaving a smirking Thomas and a chuckling Natalie behind.

"Isn't he the sweetest thing ever, he behaves like a nervous teenager." Natalie couldn't hide a big grin.

"I agree, he is really something special"

* * *

"Hey Spencer, good to see you." Caroline hugged Spencer and smiled at him.  
Spencer lighted up at the sight of Caroline, she wore some jeans shorts and a white t-shirt with a brown leather bag.

"Good to see you as well." He grinned, he hated it that he couldn't control the wide grin that formed every time he was near Caroline, but it was just impossible to hide it.

"Spencer." Spencer turned around to see Thomas standing in the hallway, throwing a key in his direction. Spencer was proud that he was able to catch the key, and Thomas laughed.

"Well there is the FBI Agent." He chuckled and approached Caroline.

"Hey Caroline, please take care of the boy and don't let him get hurt, I'm sure Natalie would get a heart attack, if he would come back with a scratch." Caroline laughed and linked her arm with Spencer, who blushed immediately in a deep red.

"Don't worry I will not let anything happen to our precious doctor, that would be a loss to great to handle for the world." She winked at Thomas and Natalie who had joined them in the hallway and pulled Spencer out of the house.

"See you and thanks again for the keys."

"Have fun, you two."  
When the car left the garage, Natalie and Thomas just smiled at each other before closing the door behind them.

* * *

On the way to the theme park, Spencer and Caroline talked about everything including Spencer and his new job. He told them about his coworkers and how much he enjoyed their company at work, she was truly happy for him.  
Spencer was impressed how joyful Caroline was, she had started to sing along with a song on the radio he didn't know before, but It was still incredibly relaxing for him to listen to her beautiful voice, he could do this for days.  
When they arrived at the theme park, Caroline was excited like a child, she jumped up and down at the sight of the big rollercoasters and everything around them.  
After they bought tickets Spencer nearly got a heart attack when a creepy guy in a parrot costume approached them, while Spencer was still not sure what to do with this thing, Caroline grabbed his arm and dragged him in the direction of the parrot.  
Before Spencer realized it he saw a flash light and his vision went blurry. Caroline laughed at his shocked expressions and asked the man with a camera to take another shot. The man with the camera was obviously the reason for Spencer's blurred vision.  
This time Caroline was satisfied with the picture and the man was able to print it immediately on a mobile printer.

"Spencer come here and see this." Caroline giggled at the picture.  
Spencer stepped closer and took a look at the picture, on the picture was the strange parrot and in front of it was Caroline smiling wide and him looking slightly confused but there was still a wide grin on his face, Spencer flushed as he saw that his eyes didn't look in the direction of the camera, instead his eyes rested on Caroline what explained the big smile in his  
photo-self's face.

"This picture is great, but next time you should focus on the camera." Caroline smiled and the photographer laughed and clapped Reid on the shoulder.

"Don't be embarrassed, god knows every man would understand you."

"I take that as a compliment." Caroline winked at him before she directed her attention directly back to Spencer.

* * *

After Spencer looked at the map of the park for a few seconds, before Caroline and he explored the park. There were a bunch of children everywhere and you could hear laughter all the time.  
Caroline stopped in front of an incredible big rollercoaster, she smirked at Spencer.

"What?"

"Are you ready for your first lesson?"

"What lesson are you talking about?"

"I promised you I would teach you how to live your life."

"I have an eidetic memory I remember that one, but I don't get it in which way this is connected to this roller coaster."

"I have a surprise for you, my father's best friend owns this place so I got some special VIP tickets that allow us to ride with everything without waiting and we can also drive the same thing as long as we want to."

"That's great but I don't see where this is going."

"For a genius you are pretty oblivious."  
She directed him to an employee of the park and showed him their special tickets she had hid in her bag, the employer immediately showed them the special entrance for VIP's and after one minute they were at the entrance of the roller coaster.

"Caroline, I'm not sure if this is a good idea."

"Oh let me decide what is a good idea and what isn't Spence."  
They took a seat and the roller coaster began to move. Spencer trapped his fingers so hard around the safety strap that his knuckles became white.  
Caroline saw how stressed Spencer looked and decided to let him relax a little. She grabbed his hands and he lifted his head slowly up to look her in the eyes.  
In this moment their wagon started to make his way down the trail in a unbelievable speed.  
Spencer just felt many movements and a force that pushed him in different directions every few seconds before he felt the wagon getting slower.  
He opened his eyes and saw that the wagon really had stopped, he looked pleading at Caroline and wanted to exit the wagon but Caroline stopped him.

"You clearly didn't enjoy it."

"No, I didn't."

"Well then you aren't allowed to leave."

"What?Caroline, this is torture and I will never enjoy it."

"Please try it again... for me." Spencer had no chance against Caroline's big eyes.

"Alright, for you…"

The rollercoaster started to move again, but this time Spencer tried to keep his eyes open.  
At the top of the rollercoaster his fingers were again trapped around the safety strap.  
Caroline bend in Spencer's direction and kissed him on the cheek, in his surprise he released his death grip and Caroline took his hand and raised it above their heads.

"Caroline what are you doing." He was still blushed but the shock covered it pretty well.

"Trust me." And he did, against all his thoughts he raised his other arm over his head, pressing Caroline's hand a little harder before the rollercoaster started to speed down again, this time he kept his eyes open and his arms above his head.  
He screamed along with Caroline and their screams turned in laughs.  
When the wagon stopped Spencer and Caroline exited the rollercoaster and and they just laughed.

"See I promised you it would be great, oh look they took pictures during the ride."

"Oh no…" Spencer laughed as he saw the picture.  
One picture was taken before the rollercoaster started to speed up, so in the moment when Caroline had kissed him on his cheek.

"Oh my god, you're expression is priceless."

"Well I was surprised…"

"You sure was." They both looked at each other smirking.  
The other photos showed them both laughing and screaming at the same time while their arms were raised above their heads. Spencer put out his wallet and bought all of them.  
The rest of their day was spent with different rollercoasters and a lot of food.

* * *

When the sun went down, Spencer and Caroline sat on a bench looking at the sky.  
Spencer felt Caroline's head on his shoulder and he heard her breathing becoming more frequent.  
He didn't want to wake her so he sat there for a while, listening to her sleeping and then he decided it would be the best to head home so he lifted her up in bridal style and carried her to the car, he was glad that he was able to manage to open the car and put Caroline on the back seat of the car.  
He was impressed that she didn't wake up from this ordeal.  
After he laid her down , he folded his jacket to put it under her head as a pillow, and he was lucky that Thomas had a blanket in the trunk of his car. He carefully covered Caroline in the blanket and strapped her on, she snuggled deeper in the blanket and he put some of the hair that fell in her face gently behind her ear as she bend in his touch, he smiled.  
The drive home was quiet, he didn't dare to turn on the radio afraid that Caroline would wake up and anyway listening to Caroline's breathing was just like listening to her singing he could do it for days.

* * *

He stopped at her apartment knowing he now needed to wake her up, so he bend down to her and whispered in her ear.

"Caroline wake up, we are home."  
Caroline groaned and her eyelids fluttered open, she looked confused at Spencer before her lips turned in a loving smile.

"I really fell asleep, I'm sorry you should have woken me up." She realized her environment, mostly how comfortable she was, laying on Spencer's jacket that smelled like coffee and some scent that she could only describe as "Spencer", feeling a warm blanket around her body.

"You looked so peaceful, I wasn't able to disturb you." He released the strap around her body and she slowly lifter herself up, yawning.

"Well then thank you, she exited the car and made her way to her front door, Spencer still by her side.

"I had a really nice day, thank you and well … I hope we could repeat that…. Sure just if you want to…." Spencer stumbled over his words and became nervous again.

Caroline just smiled at him and lightly grabbed some of his shirt to drag him down to her height and kissed him.  
As she released him he just looked at her, completely confused - she smiled at him.

"You're welcome. And I would love to see you again."

"Well then …thank you. I will call you. "

She watched him driving away and entered her apartment. A little sound filled her quiet apartment she looked at the display on her cell phone.  
_  
Can't sleep, I guess Dr. Seuss was right after all – Spencer  
_  
She collapsed on her bed, falling asleep with a smile on her lips.

_You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – Dr._ Seuss

**Longest chapter in this story until now to make up for not updating this story for 2 weeks.  
I really enjoyed writing this and I'm excited to hear your opinion so please take the time to review.  
I guess it will be time in the next chapter to contact the team and I already have a few ideas how the team will meet Reid (after some chapters) again but for this I need to know if you would hate me for adding some tragedy in Reid's new life or if you would prefer the team to meet Reid under random circumstances.**

Leave me your opinions it really means a lot :)


	17. Chapter 17

Spencer entered his apartment smiling, it was a wonderful day.  
Caroline had kissed him, Spencer Reid, and it was amazing. He felt so much happiness inside of him, he wanted to tell everyone about it before he would explode.  
His gaze landed on some piece of paper, without another thought he grabbed a paper and a pen and started to write after that he took a place on the couch, Caroline had picked out that day at the furniture store.  
He wouldn't be able to fall asleep any time soon so he picked up his cell phone to send Caroline a message.  
He watched some old tv series before he fell asleep.

* * *

"Spencer? Honey wake up…!"

Spencer opened his eyes slowly.

"Spencer you need to breakfast before you go to work."

Natalie. Work…. He lifted himself up and he opened the door before Natalie could kick it down. Spencer rubbed his eyes and smiled at Natalie, her mood seemed to be happy as always.

"Spencer, you know it is my duty to stop your coffee-for breakfast routine, so hurry up and get dressed so you can join us." She looked at Spencer, he wore the same clothes he wore yesterday when he left with Caroline, his hair looked messy and he looked pretty tired but there was still something happier about him, his smile lit up his whole face, his eyes showed his true happiness, they didn't look empty in contrast to when they first saw him.  
He had smiled when he arrived at their house but his eyes showed his true emotions, they looked exhausted and kind of empty, like he wasn't able to feel anything at all. Back then she told herself that she just imagined it, but now she could see how much emotion his eyes could contain and it made her incredibly happy to see him like this.

* * *

Some minutes later Spencer joined Thomas and Natalie at the kitchen table.  
"There you are kid, Natalie already thought she would need to kick your door down."

"I already assumed that she would." The two men chuckled while Natalie jokingly pouted.

Natalie was right, the kid's eyes were really different today and she liked it…

"It seems like you had a really good day with Caroline." During the use of Caroline's name Spencer's grin widened.

"Yeah it was great, we had a really good time."

"Even if I expected you two would have a great time, it's still nice to hear it." Thomas liked Caroline and he wanted her to be happy and was already emotionally attached to Spencer, and if he was the man who would make Caroline happy…well then there was nothing to complain about.

They talked and laughed before Spencer needed to go to work, he walked to the train station and after ten minutes he arrived at the familiar building where he worked now.

* * *

Entering the office was nice, Jake approached him immediately.

"Hey Spencer, did you enjoy your free time?" the muscled man slapped him on his shoulder.

"Yeah, It was great, how are you?"

"Oh I'm fine, currently my mother decided to visit me so I spent some quality time with her." Jake grinned and Spencer and he took place at their desks.

Laura and Kate entered the office together and they talked before John entered the office and greeted them with a big smile.

"So team I hope you had a nice day you will need your energy .We have some projects we need to work on immediately."

* * *

It was an exhausting day they had some incredibly difficult codes to solve each one of them connected to an even more horrible case, cases Spencer usually had worked on back at the BAU, but they weren't serial so the BAU wouldn't be connected to them in any way.  
They finished work and talked about their upcoming weekends.  
They usually never worked on weekends just if there was some pretty urgent project but usually they could enjoy their free time.

"Spencer we want to celebrate you joining our team, so we want to grab some drinks in a bar we visit on a frequent basis, you will love it." Kate and Laura looked at him expectantly.

"Come on Spencer, you will sure have a lot of fun and you can bring your girlfriend."

"Yeah we would love to meet her." John and Jake smirked in Spencer's direction, Spencer was an incredible person they had just known him for days and already knew it - on top of that he was a genius, they were incredibly curious to meet his superwoman.

"Guys, I already told you she isn't…" was Caroline his girlfriend? She kissed him but they never talked about it…

Seeing Spencer getting nervous Kate decided to save him.

"Well whatever just bring her, we need some more woman in our team and I'm sure John will bring Hanna and I will bring my husband Rick and Jake and Laura bring themselves what is enough to handle….- ouch" Laura had snipped Kate against her head.

"What our charming lady here wants to say is that you have to join us and that you should bring that lady of yours as well." Laura grinned at Spencer.

"She isn't my…" Spencer wanted to speak but John stopped him.

"Whatever Spencer just accept it, it will make things more easier" John laughed and they left the office together before they separated in front of their office.

* * *

They days went by and suddenly it was Saturday.  
Spencer had already talked to Caroline and invited her to join them at the bar, she was exited to meet his team and they would meet at his house, so they could drive together to the bar.

"Caroline will meet me here at 9, and you are sure it is alright for me to use your car again?"

"Spencer I already told you that it is no problem for you to use my car." Sometimes it was hard for Thomas to believe that Spencer was a genius…

"If you're sure…-" Spencer didn't dare to say anything else when Thomas gave him a destroying glare "okay thank you."

"Finally." Natalie joined Thomas and Spencer, she had left ten minutes ago to avoid Spencer's and Thomas' discussion about the car and Spencer trying to apologize all over again while Thomas just wanted "the kid to take the damn car" , like he would put it.

Spencer and Thomas grinned at each other.

* * *

Hearing the familiar knock at the door and a nervous Spencer running down the hall, Natalie and Thomas knew that Caroline had finally arrived, every time they met Spencer would get nervous like a teenage boy on his first date, it was adorable.

"Hey" Caroline and Spencer stared at each other. Spencer wasn't sure what to do, he was the man - he needed to kiss her – it should have been him at the day at the park who should have kissed her first as well- but what if she regretted it …?  
Spencer thoughts were interrupted by Caroline.  
"Will you kiss me anytime soon _or should I come back later_?" Caroline smirked at Spencer, it was so sweet how Spencer was helpless in situations like this.

Spencer realized what she had said after some seconds and bend down to gently kiss her his arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace. He was an amazing kisser - so perfect and passionate.

"Hey." Spencer's mind wasn't able to process more than that word, Caroline's kisses were earthshaking and his head stopped thinking about anything else but her in these moments.

"So kiddo you still want my car _or should I come back later_?" Thomas stand in the hallway smiling at the two of them.

Hearing Thomas repeat Caroline's words, he blushed thinking about that Thomas joined them earlier than he had wished he would had.

"Oh no thanks Mister Stalker, we don't need a car – we go to a bar and I intend to drink something and I also intend Spencer to drink so we will just grab a taxi."

"Well if that's the case, be careful and have fun."

"Thanks Thomas."  
"Yeah thank you Tom."

They left and saw Natalie waving in their direction before they were too far away, they both waved back in her direction and started to make their way to the bar.

* * *

Spencer and Natalie arrived at the bar and Spencer really like it, It wasn't like one of those stupid clubs with completely drunk teenagers it was more like a mix of an Irish pub and a sports bar, it was casual and the atmosphere was great, people laughing all around them and some music filling the area.  
Spencer and Caroline walked over to the table where his team was seated.

"Hey guys." Spencer waved at them.  
"This is Caroline..." should he introduce her as a friend, as his girlfriend, just as "Caroline"…

"I'm his girlfriend, it's nice to meet you – Spencer told me so much about you." Spencer's jaw dropped ... his girlfriend… she was his girlfriend.  
He wrapped her arm around her waist and kissed her at the top of her head while the team greeted Caroline and him.  
Spencer was introduced to Hanna and Rick while Caroline immediately bonded with Laura ,Kate and Hanna.

Spencer and Caroline were engaged in a conversation with Laura and Jake when John stood up.

"So regarding we are in a bar and we are here to celebrate our newest team member I suggest I will get some drinks." Jake stood up to help John carrying the drinks.

Spencer just nipped slowly at his drink talking to Jake and John while Caroline talked to Laura, Kate and Hanna.

"Oh I love this song!" Caroline shrieked up.  
"Me too, come on Rick." Kate pushed her husband to the dance floor.

John and Hanna started to dance , while Laura dragged Jake to the middle of the bar as well.

"Come on Spencer please…" Caroline pouted at her stoic boyfriend.

"I'm a horrible dancer…" Spencer looked at the ground.

"It's time for our next lesson…"

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes…"

Caroline left for some minutes coming back with a tablet full of tiny glasses filled with clear liquid.  
She pushed one of the glasses in Spencer's direction.

"Drink."

"Caroline…" Spencer wanted to talk to her but he didn't got the chance.

"That wasn't a question, just trust me …" why did she always used this trust-me trick … maybe because it always worked…Spencer grumbled.  
He lifted the glass up and to drink the liquid in one take.  
He shivered under the burning liquid flowing down his throat.  
The team had joined them at the table again.

"What's going on here?" Jake asked the couple.

"Oh I just help Spencer to enjoy himself more often. He really needs help in that one."  
Caroline grinned.

"I really like you." Jake grinned back at Caroline.

"So this works like an electroshock therapy whenever you do something wrong you need to drink one of them."

"What means "something wrong"?"

"That's a surprise, just do whatever you want to do, I will tell you if something's wrong."

"Mh alright I think..."

"BEEP- wrong, you need to learn to stop thinking sometimes, believe me I love that big brain of yours but now isn't the time to think- it's the time to drink…" finishing her sentence she pushed another glass in his direction.  
The group burst out laughing while Spencer drank the acid-like liquid.

* * *

This procedure continued over the night and in the end all of the glasses were spread around Spencer – empty.

"So Spencer how you're feeling?" Jake's voice was already slurred.

"I'm amazing, I can't believe you are drunk, you didn't have that much I knew you are a lightweight."

"He got you Jakeyboy." Laura laughed at the drunk version of Spencer, it was incredibly funny to watch Spencer like that.

"I will give you a lightweight, genius boy." Spencer and Jake laughed.

"Spencer don't be mean, it is your first week at the fantastic four headquarter, you shouldn't mess it up." Caroline had pulled Spencer closer to her so nobody except for Spencer would hear her, but unfortunately she forgot to whisper so she screamed in Spencer's ear.  
He shrieked up and the whole team laughed at her comparison to the fantastic four.

"Car, you really need to control your voice." Spencer grabbed a surprised Caroline at her waist and placed her on his lap.

Spencer looked at his surroundings, John and Hanna had started to kiss a while ago and Laura enjoyed their conversations, Kate and Rick were dancing again.

"Well Spence, then you need to control your hands. I really hope you learnt your lesson…"-

Spencer pulled her in a passionate kiss, she was overwhelmed how gentle his hands wandered over her back even in his current state, while his tongue invaded her mouth.

"Beep – wrong, you need to learn to stop talking sometimes…" it was just a whisper, his voice sounded sore from the night.

He stood up pushing her in the direction of the dance floor a light melody played, most of the people had already left and he and Caroline slowly danced.

"I learnt my lesson."

"You did and you aren't a horrible dancer at all."

After the music stopped they headed back to their table.  
Spencer talked with Laura while Caroline yawned.  
She kissed him on his lips before she put her head down on his chest.

"I guess that's the signal for us to go" Spencer looked lovingly at his beautiful girlfriend , she leaned closer against him burying her head in his chest.

"It is probably a good idea if everyone of us would head home now, this place is closed in half an hour so we could leave now as well." John helped Hanna up and all of them went outside.

Hanna ,John ,Kate and Rick would share a taxi, while Jake and Laura would share one.  
That left Spencer with a sleeping Caroline in his arms, he was glad he was still able to carry her regarding his current level of alcohol; he wasn't a lightweight after all.  
They all said their goodbyes and entered their taxis.

* * *

Caroline's head was placed in Spencer's lap he stroked her hair while he watched the lights outside the taxi.  
The taxi driver parked in front of Spencer's home, Spencer paid the man before he lifted Caroline up to carry her over the terrace to the door of his apartment.  
He was forced to lay Caroline done on a chair while he unlocked the door, he was impressed and surprised that Caroline didn't wake up but he remembered the day at the theme park and how nothing could wake her back then.  
He laid her down in his bed, removing her shoes from her feed, she snuggled deeper into his blanket, he kissed her on her forehead before he left her alone, ready for a night on the couch.  
"Spence…?" Caroline looked confused and tired.  
Spencer bend down to her, and kissed her on her lips.

"I think I need to get used to you falling asleep on me. Go back to sleep."  
Spencer wanted to leave the room when she called his name again.

"Spencer you will come in this bed now, I'm too tired to discuss this, you are my boyfriend and I love it that you are such a gentleman but I want to sleep next to you-" Spencer knew that there was no sense in discussing that… not that he wanted to.

He laid down next to Caroline, she wrapped her arms around his chest while he got closer to her.

* * *

**QUANTICO; VIRGINIA**

"Henry someone sent you a letter." JJ could hear her son running down the hallway.

"Really mommy, who?" the little boy looked at her curious.

"Your… Uncle Spence." She could see the boy's face lit up at this message.

"Can you read it to me please mommy."

"Get ready for bed I will be there in 15 minutes." She smiled at her son who went to the bathroom excited for the letter his godfather had sent.

She entered Henry's bedroom 15 minutes later, he was buried under his blanket.  
She stroked his hair and opened the envelope, Henry's name was written on it.

_"Dear Henry,  
I really hope you are alright buddy,I really miss you and I hope you take good care of your mommy and daddy for me.  
I'm sorry for the way I left but I really needed to take care of something, I had some problems and I had to deal with them. I really hope you aren't angry with me for not saying goodbye but believe me if I tell you I miss you every day.  
I really love you so much Henry.  
I will write you again soon_

_Love Uncle Spence."_

"I love you too Uncle Spence and I miss you" Henry buried his face in the stuffed dinosaur, his uncle Spence had bought him when he was born.

JJ kissed him on his forehead and left the room.

**new week ,new chapter :)  
in the next chapter some time will have passed and if everything works out like I plan it, it will be the team's p.o.v. I did not go into detail with JJ's part on purpose because I want to concentrate on the emotions of the team in the next chapters. There will be also some little drama in later chapters but nothing serious I promise, and MeemeBear : I could never kill Caroline :D  
Thanks for all your reviews they make my day, I really mean it. I will (hopefully) hit 60 reviews with this chapter and I'm overwhelmed - I'm always smiling reading your opinions on my story and I'm happy that you don't think it's boring.  
I just can't thank you enough for you support, but I will try :)  
**


	18. Chapter 18

"Guys we have a new case."

Aaron Hotchner called out in the bullpen and made his way to the conference room. He knew one chair in the conference room would stay empty, 7 months had passed since Spencer Reid had left their team. It was still surreal; they never wanted to admit that he wouldn't come back, in the first month they all thought Spencer would return any time, that he would come back and everything could go on, but Spencer never came.  
Strauss didn't employ any replacement for Reid even if that meant more work, it would be manageable and cheaper, at least Strauss thought it would.  
On the other hand Hotch was glad that he did not need to accept a replacement for Reid, any poor guy who would have replaced him, would have never succeeded. Replacing someone like Reid would be nothing but depressing- it was impossible.  
After Reid left they all recognized how much he had really done for this team, they needed much longer to figure certain things out. Spencer was a such important member for the team and even if they already knew that, they never knew how important he really was, until it was too late.  
He was glad that the team didn't break up, they were all still a family who was one member down, but for them it still seemed just temporary.

They all blamed themselves, Emily struggled most – she couldn't deal with the face that everything had just happened because of her, JJ couldn't escape her bad conscience for not telling Spencer that Emily never died, Hotch blamed himself as well, he was their team leader and in his eyes he had failed the team, he had failed Spencer.  
Morgan and Garcia were still their usual selves in front of the team, but they all knew that the two of them spent their time outside of work dealing with their lost friend, especially Garcia had a hard time not to break her promise and locate Reid.  
Rossi missed the kid as well, he could see in the team's eyes that they all missed him. Spencer was something different, you could never forget about him he was to special to forget about him.

They all relaxed when JJ got to work 6 months ago announcing that Reid had contacted Henry and that he seemed to be alright, …at least he was alive.  
Henry missed his godfather a lot, but Reid wrote him every week so Henry knew at least that his godfather cared about him, JJ knew he had been angry at his Uncle Spence to leave him like that, but Henry loved Spence too much to really hate him.

"What case do we got, Hotch?" Morgan and the rest of the team had taken place in the conference room leaving one seat empty, while Garcia stood up to present the case.

"We have a serial killer, who kills old married woman all over the state, he always attacks them when they are alone. His first victim went grocery shopping and the four other victims were in similar situations."

"He might kill them because he has some issues with his mother, the older woman could represent her." Morgan looked at the pictures of the older woman all smiling in their direction.

"It's a possibility." Rossi nodded.

"How does he kill his victims?" JJ looked at Garcia, not sure if she wanted an answer.

"He stabs them in the back…"

"That could be symbolic for him, whoever the women represents, she probably betrayed the unsub and now he wants revenge."

"Who is the latest victim?"

"That's the most interesting part, his latest victim is an older woman who lives in Las Vegas she is married and she is in the St-Mary Hospital as we speak."

_Las Vegas_…it was always something different for them to work in Vegas they knew Reid could be somewhere not far away from them…

"She is in hospital, does that mean…?"

"100 points for my chocolate god, she is alive – she barely survived the attack. Her husband just found her in time, she was on her way to a park when the unsub attacked her, she was lucky that she had forgotten her purse so her husband went after her and found her on the streets."

"Poor guy…"

"Yeah but at least she is alive."

"We immediately fly to Vegas, we will all head to the hospital, - JJ you and Morgan will interview the victim while Rossi and me will interview the husband."

* * *

They arrived at the St-Mary Hospital and asked for the way to the victim's room.

"Nat, how can you be so stubborn, you know perfectly well that you cannot just leave the hospital, you were stabbed… damn it wife you can't be that stupid."  
The team looked at each other concerned that man seemed to be aggressive, maybe he could be linked to the murders.

"Tom is right Natalie, have you any idea how lucky you were and you really want to leave the hospital, you wouldn't make it further than the elevator. Car and I take care of the house perfectly fine and Tom rejects to leave your side, do you really think you would miss that much?"

"Well I'm sure that you and Caroline do perfectly fine alone in our house, but you know I can't relax in this uncomfortable bed – I hate hospitals you now that."

The team were frozen ,they knew that voice but it couldn't be….

"Spence, !"

A young woman with brown hair rushed past them, heading into the room of their victim.

"Car, what's wrong – Ouch why are you hitting me ?"

"Ouch – Caroline that actually hurt." the older man rubbed his head, Spencer did the same.

"It should actually hurt, I could hear both of you since I arrived at the parking lot, this is a hospital, even if Natalie seems to be some unbreakable motherly robot, you should respect it that other people actually try to rest here."

"I'm sorry Caroline." the old man and the woman in the hospital bed looked ashamed to the ground.

"Sorry Car, but Natalie is really stubborn sometimes." Spencer smirked at her.

"She isn't the only one in this room who is stubborn." She looked at the old man.

"You look horrible, you really need a shower."

"A good morning to you,too." he grumbled in his chair.

"I will force him to get a shower later if I get a proper good morning from you and that hit earlier doesn't count." Spencer grinned and leaned down to the young woman so she could kiss him.

"Good morning stupid."

"It is sure a good morning." He kissed her again, and she giggled.

"Oh Tom, do you remind us at their age – young and in love."

"Yeah, long time ago…" the old man smiled lightly before he got smacked again, this time it was the old woman who had hit him.

"It's not that long ago, I'm not that old, you sound like our youth is a fairytale written hundred years ago." she pouted.

"Yeah a fairytale…" the old man leaned down and kissed her on her forehead.

"That's our signal to leave, and Tom when we come back you will go home and take a shower so be prepared.". Spencer smiled.

"Reid?"

Morgan watched Spencer turning around, he looked at them like they were aliens, but they probably did the same.

_Spencer Reid._

He looked different, he had gained some weight and muscles and he had cut his hair. He wore a t-shirt with some jeans and his converse.  
Morgan wanted to say something, but seeing Spencer after seven months was too overwhelming.  
He could hear JJ sob next to him while the rest of the team just stared at their former team member.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer seemed to be as surprised as they were.

"We are investigating in Natalie Far's case," Hotch looked at the woman in the hospital bed.

"That would be me…" the woman on the bed looked confused.

"The police officer didn't tell me that this case is serial." Reid looked them in their eyes.

"Unfortunately it is." It was Rossi's turn to speak, knowing the team wouldn't know what to say.

"I guess we should talk, " Spencer turned to the young woman next to him, "Car I need to talk to them, you can take the car and drive home, I will come back later as well. Tom and Natalie, I will be not allowed to attempt your interview but they won't ask you questions I did not already ask so don't be nervous about it. See you later." Spencer hugged Natalie and Thomas, Natalie kissed him on his cheek.

"I assume this is your old team." Caroline looked at the team suspicious but still curious.

"Yeah, this is my old team, I will introduce you later."

She hugged him and whispered something in Spencer's ear before she kissed him lightly on his lips.

_It doesn't matter how many days or years go by, a friend is someone who after numerous years you can still talk to like it was yesterday.  
Nishan_ Panwar

**new week, new chapter :)  
so Reid meets the team again, I like the way they met but I hope none of you are disappointed of the chapter.  
The next chapter will be the team talking to Reid and Reid will seem pretty OOC, he changed in the past months.  
I hit the 60 reviews and I'm overwhelmed can you imagine how much it means to me ? I appreaciate every single one of you who takes the time to review or to support me in any other way so thank you :)  
please continue to review and I would love to hear some things you would like to read.**_  
_


	19. Chapter 19

The team and Reid sat down in an empty room in the hospital, the nurse who took care of Natalie had led them to the conference room. The furniture consisted of some chairs and a big table, not that the furniture really mattered for any of them.  
Reid sat up straight in his chair, it was overwhelming to see his team, they hadn't changed at all, but the relation between them and him had changed… usually when they were together there was no distance between them, they acted like a family but now there seemed to be an invisible wall between them.  
He had never directly contacted the team, he had frequently wrote letters to Henry, knowing JJ would read them to him, telling the team immediately about it. He had stopped being angry with them some months ago. Caroline, Mike, Natalie, Tom and his new team had occupied his life. How could he be angry at his team if their betraying led him to this new life…this better life?  
When the anger left him, he had started missing them – each one of them.  
But he didn't know if he wanted them in his life or if they would want him in theirs.

"I'm sorry I didn't contact you." He looked at them and it wasn't hard for them to detect that he said the truth.

"We missed you." JJ looked at him, searching for a sign of how he felt about them.

"I missed you, too. I hope you guys are doing good, it looks like you are all fine…"

"We are kid, but we had…have a hard time accepting your departure."

"I guessed you would forget about me after a few months, but it's nice to know you didn't. You know me, so I'm sure you already know that I would have never forgotten you either."

"Reid you never forget anything…" Emily cracked a small smile, so did the others.

"That's true. I want you to know I am sorry for leaving like I did, without contacting you in seven months, even if I'm sorry I need to admit that I couldn't have made a better decision."

It hurt the team to hear that he didn't regret his decision, but he could see in his appearance that he was right, it seemed to be the right decision.

"You changed." Hotch didn't just talk about Reid's outward appearance, sure he looked different but thinking about his former conversation with the young woman and the older couple he had changed his behavior as well.

"I did." He smiled at the thought of how much he had really changed.

"So Pretty Boy, tell me who that nice young lady was." Morgan grinned and Spencer smiled lovingly at the thought of Caroline, he looked to the ground.

"That's Car… her name Is Caroline Miller, she is 27. She works at a local coffee shop just a few minutes away from my house."

"So regarding your flirty little talk and the kisses, I assume she is your lady" Reid laughed and the team smiled at the sound of it, hearing his laughter was something they had really missed.

"Yeah she is, but if you call her "my lady" in front of her she will kick your ass. We are a couple for 6 months now."

"She seems to be very nice, Spence. And everyone can see how much she loves you." JJ and Spence looked at each other.

"I'm still not sure how it is possible but she really loves me, and I can't even describe how much I love her, if it weren't for her I'm not sure how things had went. When I struggled with the addiction she was always there for me and she never judged me, she showed me how to enjoy my life and she fills my life with so much joy that I would never think about the drugs ever again."

"It sounds like you found someone you really deserve."

"I'm not sure if I deserve her…" he grinned at Hotch.

"You never contacted us and we want you to know that you are not forced to talk to us just because we are here to investigate Misses Far's case."

"I'm glad you are here, it makes things a lot easier for me, it would have been impossible for me to write you about everything and now that you are here I can introduce you to Car, Tom, Natalie and my new team. They will love you."

"How do you know the vic… Misses Far by the way?"

"I live in their house, to be more specific I have my own apartment in their house, but I don't really spent much time in my apartment, when I don't work , I spent my time with Caroline,my mother or the team and if I'm home I spent my time with Natalie and Tom. Tom is like a father to me and Natalie behaves like a second overprotective mother. They are my family and we need to find the guy who did this, when she was attacked, we all thought she would die she was lucky that she survived it and if this is a serial case it is possible, that the unsub wants to finish his job."

Hotch immediately switched in his work-mode.  
"We will investigate in the case and we will find him, he always stabs his victims so if he really wants to attack Natalie again, he will need to come close to her and if that happens we will be there to stop him."

"I know the police officers around here very well through my work, I will ask them if it's possible to find some officers who will guard her hospital room."

"We will head to the police station after the interview you can join us if you want to."

"Thank you for the offer, Caroline has taken the car so it would be less trouble for me."

"You're welcome Reid."

They all stood up, there were a lot of questions left the team wanted to ask Reid, but they could talk to him again after a case until then it was nice to know that he was fine.

* * *

JJ and Morgan entered Natalie's room while Hotch led Tom in the conference room where they had just talked to Reid.  
Spencer wanted to take a seat in the waiting room when Rossi approached him.

"Hey Rossi."

"Hey kiddo, I want you to know that I'm happy for you, you obviously have found some very great people here. It must be pretty difficult to meet us all again, how are you holding up?"

"I'm alright, I just don't know what to think. I have stopped being angry with you a while ago, but I don't know what to do next. It's like my brain is empty and I just can think of anything at all."

"Don't worry you don't need to do anything for now. We will catch the unsub and then you need to introduce me to Caroline, I would love to meet her and if she makes you happy she must be a special woman."

"She is and I know she will love you. I told her so much about all of you.  
Thank you Rossi, for being there for me."  
Rossi wanted to raise his hand for a handshake, but Reid had already pulled him in a hug.  
Rossi hugged him back and clapped him on his back.

"It's good to have you back, kid."

"It's good to have all of you back as well."

**new week, new chapter :)  
so now that the team and Reid are reunited, it is time to solve the case and the team still need to meet Reid's new team and they will also meet Caroline.  
I can't thank you enough for your reviews and I hope you like this chapter as well, if you have any ideas what could happen next, let me know.**


	20. Chapter 20

"So the interview didn't really help, we don't know anything knew. Misses Far just remembered that the person who attacked her was a male and that he seemed muscular to her." Morgan was exhausted, they still had no clue who the unsub was.

"That makes sense, someone who hadn't many muscles would use a gun – not a knife."

"But a gun is not as personal as a knife, if you stab someone you are feeling everything and it gets more intense."

"So our unsub enjoys what he does…"

"Yes but I still think that his focus isn't the joy, if he would kill just for enjoying it, he wouldn't chose so particular victims."

"We already talked about the possibility why he could attack old couples, but I think we need to think of another possibility."

Hotch looked at his team, they were obviously frustrated and that Reid was involved as well, didn't make things easier.

"Hotch I talked to a friend of mine, Sam he says they would secure Natalie's room immediately. Two officers will guard it." Reid had entered to room, looking relieved at the fact that Natalie would be safe. He couldn't deal with Natalie getting hurt again, he already blamed himself that he didn't help her the first time. He was a former FBI Agent and still he couldn't keep them safe, Caroline said that it was ridiculous that he felt so much guilt. She was right but that didn't keep the guilt away…

"That's good to hear Reid. So we are talking about why the unsub would attack elder couples.  
You know you can't be a part of the investigation because you know the victim but if you have an idea it would be very helpful."

"I guess in this case it is Hostile Aggression ,when an act of aggression comes from feelings of anger and is intended to inflict pain, then it is called hostile aggression. An example of this would be someone stabbing a knife into another person's leg. Obviously, this is an act that is made with the intention of causing pain. Regarding our unsub stabs the victims, it seems to be his goal to hurt the victim, he wants to punish the couples – the question is why does he want to punish them…"

They all stared at him, he could see some tears in JJ's eyes and a smile on the others faces even Hotch cracked a small smile, other people wouldn't see it but Reid knew Hotch and that this small smile was pretty rare.

"What's up, did I say something wrong ?"

"No everything is alright Reid…" Rossi said out loud, thinking that for the first time in 7 months everything was alright.

"Don't worry kid, we just missed your rambling." Morgan smirked.

"Well I guess my rambling reduced to a minimum since I'm with Caroline and the others, I don't have the chance to ramble that often, just Caroline and Kate enjoy it so they need to tolerate it pretty often." He smiled and the others laughed, but they knew that the case was important and that there was no time to catch up with Reid now.

"I would love to help you work with the case, but I need to call Caroline and meet Natalie at the hospital before the officers show up in front of her hospital room, if I'm not there she will get upset and the officers doesn't deserve that."

"We will keep you updated and I'm sure that you will need to talk to Garcia later." Morgan clapped him on his shoulder and Reid left to call Caroline.

* * *

"Hey Spence, how did it go?"

"It was alright, a bit awkward but it's nice to be with them again. I called to tell you that I will take a taxi to the hospital, two officers will guard Natalie's room and…"

"…and you assume that she will scare them off before you arrive."

"Yeah I'm pretty sure she will, so you don't have to wait for me to come home."

"I will meet you there; the house is too big and empty if you're not here and Tom needs to take a shower so I will pick him up."

"Okay I see you there. Love you."

"Love you more, stupid."

"You know I hate it when you call me that…"

"Liar, you love it and because you couldn't live without me I can call you whatever I want."

"I wish you wouldn't be right with that , but you are."

"I know."

* * *

Spencer found Natalie sleeping in her bed while Tom watched some sport sitting on a white hospital chair.  
"Hey you're back, how are you? You seemed pretty disturbed by your team showing up."

"It was a surprise, but I'm fine. I want to focus on Natalie right now."

"You are a great person Spencer, we are really grateful to have you, you know that right?"

"You turning into a real softie Tom,"- Spencer smirked but changed back into a more serious mood "I'm really happy that both of you are a part of my life, you are my family."

"Both of you are real softies, you just won't admit it." Natalie's eyes opened and she blinked to adjust her eyes to the uncomfortable hospital light.

"Look who's awake, - Tom, Car will be here soon she picks you up and drives you home. I will take care of Natalie you know I would protect her with my life."

Tom looked at Natalie, who gave him an encouraging nod. She knew how scared Tom got when she nearly died. They couldn't live without each other and just the thought that he would have to live without her, caused a pain in her chest.  
She knew that he was exhausted but he thought it was his task to keep her safe, but now they had Spencer.

"Alright I will wait for Caroline in the waiting room." Tom bend down to Natalie to kiss her on her forehead; he whispered in her ear that she should stay safe and that he loved her. She kissed him on his lips and told him the same.

Reid watched football during the exchange he didn't want to intrude such a private moment by watching them. When Tom had left, Spencer turned around to talk to Natalie.

"Natalie, I need to talk to you, please let me finish before you start insulting me."

"Sweetie I never insult you I'm just an emotional person, what is wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong and I want it to stay that way. Soon two police officers will be here and they will guard your room. I know how much you hate it to be here and that you don't want to guarded like that, but I want you to know that…." Spencer wanted to continue afraid of Natalie's reaction but she interrupted him.

"Okay."

Spencer's jaw dropped, in the seven months Spencer lived with Natalie she hated to be taken care of, once when she was sick she didn't even let them help her: she told them that she was not an old woman who couldn't take care of herself and now she was just fine with to officers guarding her room...

"Okay?"

"That's what I said."

"To be honest I expected another outcome for this conversation, not that I'm not relieved but why do you accept it just like that?"

"When I laid there on the street bleeding to death, I couldn't stop thinking about you and Tom. Tom and you would be helpless without me, Tom would be bored all the time and you would go back to your old skinny self. It was so much work getting you to gaining weight I can't bear the thought of leaving you two. So, if these officers help me to keep safe, it's alright."

Spencer knew she wanted to keep up the mood by joking but the tears who escaped her eyes showed her true concern.

Spencer stood up and hugged her – "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They both knew this wasn't just about Natalie's agreement to let her room be guarded, but none of them said it out loud.

They talked about how much Natalie hated hospitals and why. Spencer told her about the talk with his team, he had told her about them before but now that they were here Natalie could see how much they meant to him.

"When this ordeal is finally over, we need to arrange a big meal for us and the team, I really want to meet them and I'm sure Caroline thinks the same."

"I bet they would love it." He smiled and they continued their talk. Spencer was surprised how easy it was to talk to Natalie, he had visited his mother frequently since he moved to Vegas and he even introduced Caroline to her, but talking with Natalie… it was what he had wished for ever since he was a child – talking to his mother just like that.  
He felt guilty for this thought, but he knew he loved his mother and Natalie could never replace her, but having Natalie was something he never knew he had missed that much in his life before he met her.

Natalie fell asleep and Spencer watched TV, he was exhausted he hadn't slept since the attack and even if he pretended to sleep when he was with Caroline at home, he never dared to actually fall asleep. If he was with Natalie he wanted to protect her and when he was with Caroline he wanted to protect her as well, he knew she wasn't in danger but he still felt over protective right now.  
Suddenly he felt something sharp pressed against his neck and a hot breath next to his head.

"Move and I will kill you and then her."

**New week, new chapter.  
Thank you so much for your reviews they make me happy as always, also a big thank you for the Guest reviews -  
please continue your support, it motivates me to update this story - knowing some people really like to read it :)**


	21. Chapter 21

Spencer's mind worked on full speed…

_Where is Tom?_  
_Where are the guards?_  
_Had Caroline already arrived at the hospital?_

Spencer assumed that the unsub had planned everything. So the officers hadn't probably arrived yet, he hoped that Tom was alright and that he didn't noticed the foreign man heading to their room, it was possible that the unsub would escalate if someone would enter the room.  
But something needed to happen, he directed his eyes to Natalie.  
She was still asleep, the unsub had been very quiet and he was nearly asleep when he had felt the knife against his neck, how could he had let his guard down , knowing that Natalie was in danger?  
The guilt and the adrenalin pressed harder against his chest than the knife.

"You can stop this now, let me go and I will help you."

"I appreciate your offer but I don't need help, the one thing I want is out of reach and the other thing I want is in this hospital bed."

The unsub seemed focused and pretty clear, but he was delusional. Spencer didn't know in which way his victims were connected to his behavior but maybe the unsub would tell him.

"Why Natalie?"

"I don't care about her, her husband is actually my victim. You know if you die it is over and you just stop existing, but if you are still alive it is much more painful, you are desperate and trapped in a constant darkness that consumes you. The survivors are the true victims."

"You lost someone didn't you?"

"Carla," he felt that the pressure against his neck lessened at the name," it hurts so much , the pain doesn't stop… I did nothing wrong I was a religious man who lived a normal live, but they took her away- If I don't deserve it to have a long live with her why does anybody else deserves it? All these couples they had what I wanted more than anything, growing old together… They don't deserve it!"

When the man's voice raised, Natalie's eyes flew open, she stared in shock at Spencer and the man behind him, she realized the knife against Spencer's neck just after a few seconds.

"Spencer…?" her voice trembled and she felt tears in her eyes.

Spencer didn't say anything, he didn't want to antagonize the unsub with anything he might say, so he just looked at Natalie trying to comfort her with his eyes.

Suddenly Spencer heard a familiar voice.

"FBI , Joseph Tusand drop your weapon!" Morgan stood at the entrance of the room, Hotch, Rossi and two police officers directed their weapon to Joseph.  
It was Spencer's luck that the unsub didn't handle stress well, when Natalie survived he just focused on killing her, he forgot about the hospital staff and that he would never leave the hospital ever again. He never made a mistake before Natalie survived, but now his behavior was totally unorganized, the only organized move was to attack them before the officers arrived.

"NO! I need to finish this, I can't let them live, they don't deserve happiness."

He forced Spencer to his feet and got closer to Natalie's bed, he used Spencer as a shield, until he stood next to Natalie. When he focused on Natalie, Spencer rammed his elbow in Joseph's stomach trying to get a hold of the knife, he felt a sharp pain in his arm and a cut in his palm. He used all his power to get a distance between the unsub and Natalie, when he lost control over the knife he felt Joseph collapsing on him. Spencer and Joseph fell to the ground.  
In Joseph's head was a dark red hole, fortunately someone lifted the dead weight so he could sit up straight. Everything that had happened was a blur and Spencer wasn't sure how he ended up on the floor.

"Hey kid are you alright?" he could see Morgan and Rossi kneeling next to him. Rossi steadied his body with his arm.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Spencer looked up to Natalie who got comforted by JJ, she looked at him and he cracked a small smile. A nurse sat down next to him and examined his palm and his arm. He didn't feel any pain, but he know that was just because of the adrenalin. Rossi and Morgan lifted him up so he could sit on a chair, while the nurse bandaged his wounds.

Two voices filled the hallway and Spencer recognized them immediately, Tom finally entered the room and hugged Natalie, who sobbed and buried her face in his neck.  
Caroline entered the room right behind Tom, she knelt down next to him on the chair and started to search for any more wounds than the obvious ones.

"Is he alright?" she didn't look him in the eyes, instead she looked at the nurse who had just finished bandaging his wounds.

"Yeah the cuts aren't too deep, we will keep him for one night but then he is free to leave."

"So he has no concussion or anything else, just two cuts right?" her voice was concerned but still controlled.

"Yes just two cuts."

"Great." She looked at Spencer and hit him against the back of his head.

"Spencer William Reid, is it really that hard to stay out of trouble? I was away for what, a few hours ? And you are able to nearly get killed?" her voice sounded angry and Spencer rubbed his head so he didn't have to look her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, you know it's not my fault , the unsub was delusional and two police officers were on their way to guard the room…" -

Caroline hugged him hard and he could swear he felt some tears on his shoulder.

"Please never scare me like this ever again…" she grabbed his head and rested her forehead against his. "I love you so much, please don't leave me alone."

Now he could see her tears and it triggered a pain in his chest to see her like this.  
He wipped the tears away with his thumb and smiled at her.

"I will never leave you, you know I'm too afraid of you to leave you alone, you can be pretty terrifying. " he pulled her in a small and gentle kiss and whispered in her ear "I love you."

"Softie," she smiled and hugged him again.

**So a new chapter, to get some questions out of the way why the unsub was able to get to Spencer and Natalie, in my opinion what the unsub did was pretty stupid but I guessed at a certain point an unsub stops thinking clear.  
I guess there aren't many chapters left before I end this story, I want to continue writing fanfiction but I still wait for an inspiration.  
Thank you for your reviews and if you leave me your opinions I might post some more chapters than usual :)**


	22. Chapter 22

A soft light caused him to open his eyes, the room had changed over the past months. The room wasn't just filled with furniture anymore, the wall was covered with framed pictures and for the first time everything felt alive, maybe it was because of the pictures and the decoration Caroline had placed all around the of her and him, for example the one at the theme park,but also some of Natalie and Thomas sitting on a bench next to him or the team at their favorite bar.  
He rested his gaze on the person next to him, her head on his chest, he heard her snoring and smiled.  
She hated her snoring but before she moved in, he had found himself having problems to sleep without it, the snoring had a calming effect on him.  
When he listened to her sleeping, he pulled the blanket over her feet, she always managed to get rid of the sheets and she snuggled closer to his body mumbling something in his torso.  
He was sure he annoyed John and his mom to death by telling them everything he adored about Caroline, even if they would never admit it. He was happy that his mother and Caroline got along, telling Caroline about her schizophrenia was easier than he had expected.  
He heard a grumbling sound next to him, interrupting his thoughts.  
"I hate the sun."

"You hate everything that wakes you up."

"No, I don't hate you, I learnt to accept your existence and the fact that you are barely able to sleep longer than 8 A.M."

"Oh so you learnt to accept my existence, I'm so thankful my lady. You know we meet the team today…"

"I know and you are excited to spend some time with them, and because I am such a nice person I will get up now and shower."

He grabbed her and pushed her on her back, he kissed her and smiled.

"Now you are allowed to go shower."

She looked at him with a fake smile, "Well now it's obviously my turn to be thankful."

* * *

They had slept in a hotel, they were all exhausted and happy to be finally able to enjoy their time with Spencer. Rossi was looking forward to get to know Caroline, hearing this name was hard but he tried to ignore it, this was about Spencer not him. He knew that the team had various emotions connected to the past days, sure the dominating one was happiness to be with him again but buried under the surface was more than happiness, … anger and guilt were the emotions that the team tried to ignore.  
The reasons why they felt guilty were obvious, but there was also the anger that was left after Spencer quit his job and abandoned them. He said he would contact them, so they waited, but now 7 months after that he had never contacted them – he had just written letters to Henry but that was it.  
Rossi knew that they would not spend a nice day with him and everything would be alright again, rebuilding this relationship would be a lot of work, but it would be worth it.

* * *

They would meet Spencer at a park where they wanted to have a picnic, Spencer and Caroline arrived some minutes after them.  
Caroline smiled and so did Spencer, he carried a basket and a blanket.  
They were profilers and this is something that isn't easy to turn off, so they couldn't miss that Caroline seemed nervous, let alone how intense she embraced Spencer's arm.

"Hey guys, I'm so glad that you were able to get a few free days. And JJ and Hotch I really hope that Jack and Henry don't mind you staying here."

"We all deserve some free time and Jack and Henry will be fine, Spence" , calling him Spence for the first time since forever made things so more real. She wasn't stupid, she knew even if Spencer thought he wasn't angry anymore that things wouldn't go back to normal with some magic, but believing that there was still a chance was everything she needed right now.

"So I want you to introduce you to Caroline, guys that is Caroline Miller. Car, that is Rossi, Hotch, JJ, Morgan and Emily."

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Spencer told me so much about each one of you.".

Morgan wanted to say, _only good things I hope_ – but thinking of with how much love Spencer looked at her, he knew that he had told her everything and not just the good things.  
"It's a pleasure to meet the woman that can handle our boy." He pulled her in a small hug.

"Thanks Morgan." Spencer acted grumpy but then changed his mimic in a big smile.

Caroline talked to the others and they sat down to eat something, Natalie had made more than enough snacks for everyone.

"Oh guys, I tried to call Garcia yesterday but she didn't pick up, is anything wrong? She is angry with me isn't she?" Spencer knew that it was highly possible that they were all angry at him but that Garcia could be that angry unsettled him.

"Oh no don't worry Pretty Boy, she isn't angry with you. Maybe there is a problem with her phone or…" Morgan looked at something behind Reid's back before Spencer let out a small shriek.

Someone had grabbed him and talked to him in a high voice, too fast to understand.  
Being able to get a hold of the person, he recognized colors in every possible way and a face that he had missed more than he wanted to admit.

"Garcia."

"Oh my sweet baby is back. I missed you so much, look at you –" she grabbed his face with both hands, pressing kisses to every inch of his face" Never do that again. Have you any idea how much will power it needed not to search you… Oh my junior G-man is back. Look at you, Dr. Spencer Reid when did you get so handsome, I mean not that you weren't always smoking hot, but WOW I mean it is like someone pulled you out of your baking dish and sprinkled some muscles on my perfect cupcake."

"Garcia take a breath." She stopped and he pulled her in a bone crashing hug. " I missed you a lot."

Garcia whipped some tears out of her eyes and sobbed and laughed at the same time.

"Hey please don't cry, you know nobody ..especially me… can stand you crying." He gave her a handkerchief.

"I will try, but this.. I can't… I just missed you so much." Some more tears escaped her eyes but a big smile lightened her face at the same time.

"Garcia this is…"

"This must be your lady, Morgan told me about her, I mean he told me how beautiful she was, but she is even more gorgeous in real life." Garcia watched Spencer who had an arm around Caroline's waist and looked down at her. She had never seen so much love in his eyes before, his eyes told her how much he admired her and how much she meant to him. She already liked this girl, anybody who made Spencer this happy was someone special.

"She is." He hadn't lifted his gaze from Caroline, she smiled at him and gave his hand a small pressure.

"Hey, you must be Garcia. I'm Caroline."

"Well regarding, that sweet cheeks is over the heels in love with you, I need to say – Welcome to the family." Spencer blushed a deep red, something Caroline loved about him – no matter how much confidence he had gained over the past few months, he always blushed so easily.

"Thank you , it really means so much so me." She was really touched how close these people were to Spencer and that they welcomed her in this strong relationship to each other.

They spent a wonderful day, parting before they would meet later at the bar, Spencer always visited with his team.

**so a new chapter, I hope you enjoy it - so I guess there aren't more than two chapters or so left - so you might motivate me finishing it as fast as possible, I will try to update the last chapters within the next week.  
Seeing if anyone follows this story, add it as a favorite or writing a review always puts a big smile to my face, anyone who ever wrote a story or did something simliar will understand how much it means to hear other people's opinion about it so thank you.  
If you want to read anything in the last chapters, tell me and I will try to include it :)  
**


	23. Chapter 23

They had some nice days in Vegas, learning more about Reid's new life and spending some time with Caroline, Thomas and Natalie and they even got to know his new team.  
Something was odd about seeing Reid this way, interacting with his family and his team; they all _knew_ that everything was fine but they _didn't want_ to see it. They wanted him to come back to Quantico, being a part of their team again, so they thought about things that would be better for Spencer back at Quantico.  
The most obvious reason was of course that he would be with them, he would be able to visit Henry all the time and the climate was far more comfortable in Virginia. There were plenty more reasons why he should come back but none of them was really useful. Sometimes it is just harder to except the reality than making things up.  
In Vegas he could visit his mother, they all knew how guilty he felt when he wasn't able to visit her that often. He had a job that challenged him and made him happy the same time and he had more free time as well. He had Thomas and Natalie, his new team and of course Caroline. He would never leave her and if he would, he'd feel miserable all the time, knowing what he had lost.  
Sure he could take Caroline to Quantico… but the job would be hard on their relationship.  
No matter how much they thought about it there were no proper reasons to come back. When he left them, he had told them that he needed to be selfish. Now they understood what he meant by that – he acted selfish, because for once he didn't put their interests before his owns. He had never done that before. Thinking about the life he could have had by now if he had left them before left an uncomfortable feeling in their stomach…

_"Daddy!"  
A little girl with curled brown hair and blue eyes ran in the direction of a tall man.  
He bent down and she threw herself in his arms, he kissed her on her forehead and grinned._

_Hey sweetie, how is my favorite little girl?" he threw her up in the air to catch her immediately, burying his face in her little stomach. She giggled loud._

_"Stop it daddy…."she laughed loud and her sweet little voice filled the room,"Please you stupid, daddy." They both turned around to see a beautiful woman looking at them._

_"See you have a smart daughter, she already knows how stupid her daddy is." He smiled and placed the little girl on his shoulders._

_"Well she obviously got that intellect from her mother." He kissed her and rested his lips on hers._

_"Ew!" the girl on her daddy's shoulders made a grimace at her parents' kissing._

_"Oh so you don't like that…" the woman grabbed her daughter and laid her down on a black leather couch, beginning to tickle her while she placed kisses all over her face._  
_  
Fifteen minutes later the little girl rested in her daddy's lap, sleeping soundly._

_"She is exhausted, I told her to go to bed but she wanted to wait for you."_

_"Fortunately, I rarely work this late." He whipped some hair out of the little girl's face._

_"Lucky me." She smiled and he pouted. Looking at her husband she kissed him and whispered in his ear._

_"Could you carry her upstairs, she was ready for bed before you arrived, so you just need to tuck her in ."_

_"Sure." He lifted her up carefully and buried her body under her blankets._

_"Love you." He kissed her on her forehead and she mumbled something in her pillow._  
_It is scary how much she takes after her mother…_

_He joined his wife in bed and she snuggled deeper in his chest, pressing a kiss to his collar bone, before they fell asleep._

Spencer met them at the airport accompanied by Caroline, his arm around her waist like he used to do.

"Hey ready to go back to good old Virginia?" Caroline hugged them as goodbye.

"I'm looking forward to see Henry, and I'm sure Hotch feels the same about Jack, but it is hard to leave Spence back here." They all nodded.

Caroline looked at Spencer, she had discussed everything with him. She proposed that they would move to Virginia, so he could be with his team again. She didn't want to be the anchor to a life he didn't want, but he had explained her that he wanted to stay here with her, even if he would miss them.  
Spencer knew it was the right thing to stay in Vegas, they all knew it, but that didn't make things easier.

"Reid you know there is always a place for you at the BAU."

"I know Hotch and I appreciate it, but you know I can't." _  
_  
He turned around to see JJ,Emily and Garcia looking sadly in his direction, Garcia didn't hide her tears while JJ and Emily tried to suppress them without any success.  
"What's wrong with you guys, I already told Garcia I hate tears-"

"We know and we are sorry, but we don't want to leave you. Now that we have you back we can't…" JJ whipped the tears out of her face when Spencer pulled her in a hug.

"This is no goodbye - in four weeks, Caroline and I will visit you, you know that."

"Sure but I will miss you Spence." He whispered her something in ear that made her smile.

"I will miss you so much, but if you don't write me like you promised I will be you worst nightmare." Spencer bet he felt some rips cracking under Garcia's hug.

Next was Emily, they hugged tight and he felt her tears on his shirt.  
"So you and I will have a talk back in Quantico…" she looked worried…"I will ramble you to death until you know that you have no need to feel guilty, I am happier than I ever was I have Caroline, Thomas and Natalie and my team and I have you. That is more than I could ever expect so we will stop this whole guilt thing at the latest in four weeks, even if you could avoid the torture of me rambling if you would just stop it now."

"Listening to you is no torture at all."

"Wow you did really miss me." She slapped him on his shoulder and they laughed.

The goodbye between Morgan and Reid was short but intense, they hugged and Morgan just said "See you in a month pretty boy."

"You will."

Rossi was the last one who pulled Spencer in a hug, whispering in Spencer's ear that he was proud of him, before they parted. Spencer was surprised but thankful for Rossi's words.

Spencer watched them thinking about if this would work out, rebuilding their relationship and visiting them as often as possible like he had promised them.  
He looked forward to stay here in Vegas, expectant of what life had planned for him.

_"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy." Ken Jenkins_

THE END

**This was the last chapter of my story "Would you have let me?", this is my first fanfiction and I'm beyond happy how it worked out, I would have never expected so many reviews/follows and favorites. I know it seems silly because it sounds like an oscar speech, but I want to thank everyone who encouraged me to continue this one shot and I want a special thanks to tannerose5 and Lenika08, they motivated me more than I can say. But each one of your reviews was a great help and I want to thank each one of you who supported this story or read it.**  
**I will write more stories and currently I plan to write a Reid-hostage story, I know nothing special but a scene came to my mind and I want to write it.**


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